He Guides Me

I'm haunted

2012-02-09T14:10:00.000-08:00

I'm haunted by this and am a little embarrassed to admit it, but the truth is I wanted a chance to explain myself and that didn't happen today and now it's over and I am pretty sure I won't get a chance without looking like a weirdo to explain myself so here goes; I will explain here :)

This morning I was dropping Miles off at school. We were at the sink washing hands when another mom said to me "You guys always look so nice!" I was surprised by the comment to be honest and babbled something about how it must be because we get up so early (WHAT THE HECK!?!? That doesn't even make sense) and I went on to stumble over something as I backed up to make my random comment. Cue the embarrassment! Miles finished up his hand washing and drying and we walked away to pursue the day.

I walked out and immediately felt "haunted" by my comment. I had one of those thoughts about how I would have TOTALLY responded differently and put together my response for when I saw her at pick up. It went something like this, "I am embarrassed by my random reaction to you when you complimented us this morning. I don't even think I said thank you! So thank you, it was very sweet of you to say and I appreciate it so much!!"

This isn't a big deal in the whole midst of life, but it got me thinking about how we present ourselves in public. I used to enjoy getting Acilia ready for school, she was in afternoon preschool so we had leisure time in the morning to pick adorable outfits and do her hair really cute, I loved it! Nowadays though, we are rushed in the morning and let's face it, boys just aren't as fun to dress, his wardrobe isn't even a 1/4 of what Acilia's was when she was his age and that was something I came to terms with, so this morning hearing "You guys always look so nice" just really threw me off. In a good way of course :) I should have just said "THANK YOU!" Couldawouldashoulda!!

I do feel like an idiot now!

Happy heart

2012-02-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

Today was a special day. As Al and I sat on the side lines of Acilia's first ever cheerleading game, I had so many sweet emtions passing through me. The memory of being in her place, saying the same cheers that she had learned. The memories of watching games as a child. The memories of being in grade school. The thoughts of the future flooded me, the thoughts that one day maybe Miles will choose a sport that he likes and Al and I can sit on the sidelines watching him play too. The future of Acilia enjoying many years of cheerleading, just like I did. And the future of Al and I sitting on the sidelines just taking in the gifts God has given to our children to enjoy! I have waited so patiently for this day. The day that my daughter would want to be a cheerleader. I have never pushed her to be something she was not, but I secretly hoped that one day she would want to be a cheerleader. There is so much about cheerleading that I really love, the uniforms, the pep, the games, the friendship, the spirit, the cheers, the jumps, the everything. Now my daughter has chosen to be a cheerleader. Today was the first game of the season, her first ever time cheering aside from practice, and she thoroughly enjoyed it! She's been showing us cheers, she's growing in confidence and she is melting her momma's heart!

Last update

2012-02-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

Clearly this isn't the end of our story, however the chapter of the last week and a half has officially closed! Al had his last two treatments on Monday and Wednesday, Wednesday more labs were drawn revealing to us that Al's creatinine is down to 1.5 from 2.2 (EXCELLENT NUMBER!!) and his GFR number is up to 52 from 39 (ANOTHER EXCELLENT NUMBER!!!!) Long story short the treatments worked, the countless prayers worked and Al is officially on the mend! This is hopefully something we won't experience again, and I am hopeful that is the case! Signing off!!

He's coming home today!

2012-01-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

Hubby is scheduled to be discharged, has his papers in hand, just needs to finish up his treatment for the day then he's out! :)
I made a fresh batch of chili and after the kids get to see him and spend some time with him, the plan is to take them to my parent's house to spend the night so he can get a peaceful night of sleep!! Lord knows he needs it after 3 nights in the hospital!!

Monday and Wednesday are scheduled to be his last two treatments of Plasmapheresis then they tell him he can get the port in his neck out too, which would be great because that is NOT a comfortable attachment!

Here is a picture of us yesterday, his friend Jeremy has been staying with him there at the hospital, he considers Al to be a brother and even though they didn't match for Jeremy to donate a kidney to him, Jeremy took it one step further and found a recipient to donate to anyway, it's been six months and both Jeremy and his recipient are doing great! Great stories come from Al's story and I am so honored to be a part of it!!!

Another update

2012-01-27T17:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the prayers, they are working!!
Al has been in the hospital since Wednesday. They put a port in his neck which was not a smooth process. It took two attempts, once on the left side, then they were successful on the right side. At one point they considered that he possibly had blood clots, I don't think that's the case though, his veins are known to collapse, I personally believe that's all it was. Painful nonetheless though :/
His first treatment was Wednesday afternoon. It was plain awful on him and he was sick the entire night. Poor guy had a really rough first day. I was praying so hard that this process could be easier on his body. Afterall, I felt bad enough that he had to endure this, but did it have to be SO awful? Well, slowly Al has been feeling much better, I was able to visit him today, he's such a trooper! (I wanted to go sooner, I've had a cold all week, my voice is completely gone, but my other cold symptoms atleast have gotten better) He was up walking laps around the floor when I came off the elevator he happened to be walking right past the door. Thought it was impeccable timing :) He looked really good and was in good spirits through our visit. Man had some needs that only a wife can take care of, and that's all I will say about that! ;)

We ate lunch together and then took a few more laps around. I had to leave to get Acilia from school. I started crying on the way home, tears of joy. I am just so thankful that this has turned around and gotten easier on him just as I asked God. It looks like he will be coming home tomorrow. Treatment should continue through Wednesday. Considering they originally told us two weeks, we are THRILLED that it's only supposed to be a week. We will see how things continue to go, these are just doctors telling us things at this point, I will believe it when I see it, but until then I truly appreciate continued prayers!!

We are so thankful for such a loving and supportive group of friends and family. We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many caring people! Acilia's class has supplied two dinners for us and are scheduled to provide dinners all next week too. I can't even describe what it feels like!

Update:

2012-01-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

My facebook post from tonight after we got Al's biopsy results. We are thankful for any and all prayers! It's not horrible news, but it's not the best news either. We can certainly work with this though and are optimistic that the doctors are right and this will all be resolved in a few weeks!

Feeling doomed

2012-01-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

Al went for more blood work today, his creatinine is holding steady at 2.1
Not at all as low as we would have liked (normal is not to rise above 1.3), but the optimist in me is a tad relieved it didn't go UP any more since his labs on Sunday. I want to believe this is a very slow and very early sort of "rejection" I hate to even use that word, but to be factual about things, I have to realize the facts. The fact is, he is in early rejection of the kidney I gave him 2 years ago. We want it to last a LOT longer and we want for this to just be a little "hiccup" on the road of recovery, but you just never know when your organ is going to be done working for your body and that is a sad fact. I feel defeated, Al surely has a whole host of thoughts going through his mind. I know he knows I am there for him, but personally I think this is where we lack. I can't read his mind and he certainly does not open up to me the way I would if I were him, so I tread lightly. I don't want to say the "obvious" things, I don't want to say too much, yet I want him to know I care deeply about his feelings as he goes through this. My prayer is still that this kidney will continue to work for him. That the signs of rejection are just "signs" and that we are catching it before it gets worse. He can easily still function where he's at, and there ARE options to stop his body from fighting it. His meds have been upped, he is scheduled for a biopsy on Monday, that will tell us exactly how many antibodies his body has created to take down the kidney. Once we have those facts, we move forward with the plan. Al is in for it though, the plan is not an easy one. There are no freebies here, he will most likely have to do some ugly treatments (think chemotherapy type treatments). Eye on the goal, keep moving forward, this is not the end yet, it could be worse, and I keep praying that it doesn't GET worse.

Anxiety inducing

2012-01-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Al and I went yesterday for our 2 year post op visit. I got a glowing report, I am now a "grad" I don't need to go for post op check ups anymore. :)

Al on the other hand...as they put it, he's "high risk for rejection". This isn't supposed to be a surprise to us, apparently they've been saying that all along. Makes sense, it's a non genetic kidney. Of course his body will want to fight it. His body seems to be a little more diligent in fighting his new kidney, so there are some minor signs of rejection creeping in. That is a scary and daunting thought. It's easy to focus on the word "rejection" and not allow God to keep peace in our souls. It's easy to get anxious about this and let gloom and doom take over. I had a lot of praying to do on the way home from our appointment. We were deflated and I can't speak for Al but from where I was sitting, he had a lot on his mind on the way home. It was that awkward silence, don't quite know what to say, don't quite know if you should joke about it to keep the mood light or fall into a grief mentality. The bottom line is, transplanted kidney's do not last for ever. It was never a matter of "if" it would reject, it was always a matter of "when". I pray that "when" is not ANYTIME soon! You have no idea how much I pray about that, but the fact is, the time will come and these signs are just reminders that we need to stay ahead of the game and stay on top of his monitoring. He gets labs done regularly to check his kidney function and he takes a slew of medication to suppress his immunity to keep his body from making antibodies that will think the kidney is a foreign body that needs to be fought. The meds he takes have been increased now, and he may need a biopsy on the kidney in the next week, but the doctor says we are not to "worry" just yet. I am holding on to those words, and increasing my prayer and asking anyone else that can and will to pray with me. Specifically that his creatinine levels go DOWN. At the current moment they are creeping up and have been over the past year. At the time of transplant his creatinine was 1.3. Perfect match to where my creatinine is today, 1.3 and that's technically where he should stay at! He is not though, he is at 2.1. It can fluctuate slightly based on how well hydrated a person is, but it needs to stay down. His kidney function needs to be saved and there needs to be no more damage done to it.

Tattoo link up

2012-01-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

Getting involved with this link up, even though I've talked about my tattoo here before, it's just something I want to partake in :)
As you know I am Al's kidney donor. Feels like it's old news, especially here, but the story never changes my passion for organ donation so I use every chance I can to talk about our journey, in hopes that maybe just maybe someone will consider being a donor, whether it be organs or blood, living or deceased!!
On the topic of tattoos. I enjoy seeing tattoos, I just was never going to get one. When I gave Al his kidney; I knew there were going to be scars involved. I was relieved that the process of removing a kidney has gotten a lot easier since his dad donated to him 20 years ago. At that point when you had a kidney removed, it was through your back, the incision was about 6 inches long and they had to spread your ribs. Can I say OUCH!?When I donated, they told me that it would be done laparoscopically and then there would be an incision that was the size of my surgeon's fist for the removal of the kidney...sign me up right?? The scars would be thin little lines and barely noticeable when they healed, but I didn't want them to just "disappear". I wanted them to be showcased. How better to do that than to get a tattoo around them? Oh wait, I said I would never get a tattoo? Well, what's the most sensible way to show why you "never say never" well, of course it's to get a HUGE first tattoo! I think the artist that inked me thought I was a little nuts when I showed him what I wanted, and then told him it was my first tattoo; but it meant something to me and because of that, I was determined to get it done. And, do I need to mention I pushed an 8 pound, 9 ounce baby out without drugs AND recovered from a kidney removal with no pain meds? I could handle a tattoo. And I *did* handle it, on the outside anyway, I smiled the whole time, but man, it didn't feel that great to get it! It was a constant scrape at my skin with a razor blade sensation that didn't let up for 2 hours! I walked out with art on my abdomen to showcase the scars that I proudly display. And the point is: "Be a Donor!"

Dialysis days

2012-01-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

As we sit, the snow falls outside. First real snowfall of the winter and it's January 12th. Yesterday was a springy 54 degrees and sunny. Today I was prepared for the snow, everyone said it was coming, what I was not prepared for was the reminiscent thoughts of Al's days on dialysis. He was on peritoneal dialysis, which means there was a tube in his belly in which he would hook up to a machine that was situated next to our bed. Each and every month, Fresenius faithfully delivered 1,000's of pounds of dialysis solution in boxes that we would stack up in the corner of our bedroom. I used to get great satisfaction out of piling the boxes taller than me, so I could line them directly along the wall (4 rows, stacked about 12 boxes high) allowing them to take over as little space in our room as possible. I was clinging to "normal" anything I could do to make our lives feel normal was what my mission was. I enjoyed draining the remaining solution into the toilet as I wound up the tubes that went from the machine all the way to the bathroom where it dripped into the toilet each night. I enjoyed taking the boxes out to the recycling bin every morning and I enjoyed the end of each month where the boxes were at the lightest load, never leaving less than about 10 boxes before the next shipment. Why does snow make me think of dialysis? Because the winter months were the worst. The deliveries each month came to our backdoor, there was a hydrolic "hand truck" that eased the boxes up the first set of stairs, then it tracked snow and salt and wetness through my downstairs to the second set of stairs that went to the bedroom. Foot tracks, that were simply unavoidable. I was left with pounds and pounds of boxes taking over my room and a trail to clean. It was normal for us, that was normal for 4 years. It was a fact of life. A simple fact that without it, my husband would not have been able to live through. It was a sacrifice for all of us, yet it was a better alternative to the hemodialysis (blood straining) or the imminent death that he faced. It was our only option and it sucked. It sucked. It sucked. I was just his wife, I didn't actually have to do those dialysis treatments, I was just the helpless bystander that worked diligently to keep life normal for all of us. Now that I look back, life was so far from normal. It truly was. There is nothing normal about having a husband on dialysis, waiting for a transplant when he was supposed to be in the prime of his life. I made it normal. I have come to realize, that normalizing it all, was *my* self defense. I had no control over my husband's health, but I did have control over keeping my house clean. Keeping those salty, snowy tracks off my wood floors and getting those empty boxes and bags the hell out of my house. Little did I know, all of that time that I had the kidney he needed. What will happen next time? I don't have another kidney to give. This thought is always in the back of my mind. Now that I know what dialysis is like and waiting for an organ, it's a place I never want to visit again, yet it's sort of inevitable. Kidney transplants don't last forever, and there will come a time that we will have to face more dialysis, more waiting, only next time I will know what we are in for. I won't have the bliss of "shock". I will have to the cold hard truth that it plain old sucks. My constant prayer is that this transplanted kidney will last for many many many years, get him through his 30's, 40's, even 50's, 60's or 70's. I have my hopes and dreams and prayers. I don't want my husband to go have to through that again. Enough is enough. Two kidney transplants in one life is more than enough.

Projecting

2012-01-08T17:49:00.000-08:00

I am giving a lot of thought lately to why I want to become a nurse, mostly because it gets me excited about the prospect of applying to the program next year. I hear people talk about how much nurses make and that is not something I really considered when I decided I want to be a nurse. I am a stay at home mom at heart. My husband does a great job of providing for his family, so technically the money I make is going to be a welcome "extra" in our life. A savings account, a little extra cash in my pocket. It's going to be nice I think! I have been on a budget for a year now as you know, and that budget mindset has got me thinking of the future and those paychecks I will be earning as a nurse. I am excited to open my own checking account and offer some extra money in places such as savings first and foremost. Then I have charity in mind, I have a huge heart for animals and when I say I tear up when I see the ASPCA come on a commercial, it's more like waterworks than "tears". I am excited to give a little extra to our church and to prayerfully see much more in our budget envelopes at the end of the year. I write this out right now simply because I want to hold myself accountable for putting my work to "work" so to speak and to be an active part of our finances. All these years I've felt as though I was spending my husband's money and I am thrilled to finally be considering my own money (even though we are married and what's mine is his, and vice versa) it will be nice to have a paycheck with my name on it that I've worked hard for!

One Word 2012

2012-01-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

Last year's experience with commiting to one word was so inspiring, I am ready to share my word for this year. It came to me this morning as I was waking up. God has such impeccable timing! I asked him for a word that will speak to me throughout the year, and this word has already begun making an impact, so let's just call it official and claim it for the year!
My word is:

I need patience to get through the next year before applying to the nursing program. (Every part of me wants to rush into just applying, but my soul says wait one more year so I have all my ducks in a row.)

I need to have patience that God is in control and HE know when we will move out of this home and into a new home. (Anyone that has been reading *knows* every part of my being wants to be in a new home, one that is more condusive to our lifestyle and in a better school district!)

I need patience with my children. (I am sad to admit I feel a lot less patient with them now that they are older and going through hard phases with not listening!)

I need to have patience with my husband, when he works long hours. (Which is more often than not!)

I need to have patience for the simple moments in life. (I have been working on this for a while, stopping what I am doing to have a quality moment with my kids. I am always in such a hurry to move on to the next thing, that I forget to be IN THE MOMENT.)

"Patience is the key to contentment."

The budget report

2011-12-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

Al and I fought over and over and over through the years about money. January 2011 started a change for us that I agreed we needed, and he was thrilled that I agreed to. A B U D G E T . I've been on a budget before, that's how I was able to afford living in an apartment alone when I was single. BUT the thought of having a budget the way our spending was, was just too daunting, I couldn't even think about how it would work. But, it was a new year and I was ready to stop all of the bickering that was plaguing us. We started the envelope system. Basically you figure out everything you can possibly use cash on and then put that amount into envelopes each month. If the envelope is empty, your spending for the month is done, even if it's not the end of the month. That thought terrified me! I wanted to be sure we were accurate about how much to put into each envelope and I am so thankful that we calculated correctly and there were only a few close calls! I went through the year, following the budget as faithfully as I humanly could and each month the envelopes were pretty much empty. It was discouraging to Al because he had in his mind that we should "save" each month and not use ALLLL the money each month. My argument was that the money that we budget for is meant to be spent, that's why we also had a savings envelope that was not to be touched. This was something we discussed throughout the year, neither of us changed our opinion, it is what it is. I was thrilled yesterday when I went through the envelopes to take a year end calculation of how we did. I was beyond thrilled when there was some left over in each envelope. I was able to empty some of the envelopes (groceries, entertainment, eating out, clothes, etc.) completely to then pool the money into a different savings envelope (FUTURE HOME!!!) and I still was able to keep some filled to accumulate (school, medical, savings) and pool into next year's expenses. Overall, I would 100% say that it was a successful first year on a budget and it definitely motivated me in the confidence department that I am capable of being on a budget AND save money too!! It's a great day :)

One word; wrap up

2011-12-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

Last year I started hearing about the "one word 2011" challenge. Klove was talking about it (and is again this year!) and I was seeing blogs pop up about it too! Basically you choose ONE word to be your theme for the year and see how it changes your year. I chose the word commit. It flowed throughout the year, coming in and out of my mind and always holding true. It was such a fairly simple word, but I saw such great things based on my commitment to the word commit.
Some things that specifically stand out are:
-My commitment to my marriage continued, Al and I have thankfully grown a lot together this past year, learning how to communicate more rationally and with more love and appreciation for each other.
-I commited to continue my path at school. I also commited to slowing down. I am at a point where I just want to hurry up and start the nursing program, but that's not sticking with my original goal of taking it slow and then when I get into the program, nailing it and finishing strong!! Slow and steady wins the race :)
-I commited to reading the Bible more and really opening up to God without my lack of prayer "know how" affecting how often I pray. I am pleased to say prayer comes much more naturally now and I get something out of each and every time I read the Bible! Likes it's written as a letter to me!
Commit was such a strong and meaningful word for me, that I am tempted to use it again for 2012, there are other ideas swirling around and I am praying I fall upon just the right word again so I can see another year blossom as the days go by with a focus on something specific to work on. I still can't believe it's the end of 2011, but I am so ready for 2012!

God's blessings and peace on your new year!

You Capture- 2011 Favorites

2011-12-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

"10 favorite from 2011"

I realize.

2011-12-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

I am a married woman. I grew up a Lutheran, but didn't spend much time considering God and his rules for a Holy life. I have some things I've had to come forth with to ask forgiveness, one of them being a mom before I was married. I certainly don't regret the path my life has taken but it is the number one sin I struggle with, because now that I *am* close with God, I am not sure what the dating world would lead me into if I was not a married woman. I almost feel like I got off easy because when I was doing the bad things I did, such as sex before marriage, I still didn't realize how bad it was. Now I do realize how bad that was, and I am not sure I would have acted differently. I am not sure why I have the need to write this post, but it felt necessary. A shout out to those that share a strong bond with God, yet are not married and living in the world of dating. Stories I hear about dating, I often think how hard it's got to be. I was young when I was into dating, a teenager! Not exactly like the adult world of dating. So much to consider and I am surely out of touch with how it really goes. What really happens and that's fine with me, but I hope that you (yes general you, but it applies surely to someone here reading today) are ok and that you are enjoying your life and I would love to assure you that God loves you and I pray that He is there for you as you work your way through a lifestyle that is both fun and very challenging!

Furthermore, on the topic of sin, I go to church every week, and I am going to admit here when confession time comes, I am not quite sure what to confess to God. I know it sounds bad and I *KNOW* I sin, just not sure exactly what is considered a sin and what's not. I guess anything unloving or selfish that I do is considered sin, yes I have a lot of those moments, but to come up with all of my sin during the minute or so of "silent confession" how do you work it all in??? I pray through the week with thankfulness and when I do something that I feel bad about, I ask for forgiveness, but that doesn't feel like enough. I have asked God numerous times to show me my sins so I can be accountable for them. I think I am missing something. I constantly lose my patience with my husband, because well, he knows how to push my buttons!! BUT that's no excuse for being rude, short or sarcastic with him! My impression though is that you are going to be forgiven for your actions, and then have a clean slate, but when I keep bringing up the same thing that I need to confess and the behavior though I am aware of it is not exactly changing, I feel like I am taking advantage of God and His grace! He makes it sound so easy, "love thy neighbor". Three words, hard to act!

Then you've got my weak moments as a mom. The kids are really good at not listening to my directions, and they are really good at being wild and jumping on my furniture even though I remind them regularly how we treat furniture with respect and do NOT stand, or jump on it or off of it! The not listening tactic is infuriating to me! I can be firm and then my daughter tells me "You're mean". I respond, "I am not mean, you have the responsibility of listening to what I say and if you don't, there are consequences" but how many times do I have to tell my daughter "I am not mean" maybe I am mean! Maybe that's how she sees me and if that's true, it would kill me! I want my kids to know me as a trustworthy, loving, stable mother, yet I fully feel that I need to be in charge, not have them thinking they can just do as they wish and not have repercussions!

I can be very friendly in the outside world, then I can come home and "True Karrie" comes out, the one that has emotions, and selfishness and tiredness and laziness, and my family gets the privilege of seeing me behind closed doors. That's awful! Why can't I treat my family the way I do the public?

God is always watching. I want to please Him at all times, I want to have my judgement before Him be an experience that I can walk away as though I succeeded in my mission to live a Godly life here on Earth. How much can you change about your person? I am a person that likes my space, I have a family that constantly needs me to attend to them. It makes me crabby and then I am not good at hiding that crabby feeling!

After reading back, I see it's clear God has no problem allowing me to see my sins, I just have to open my heart and explore them!! I believe I could go on with more revelations, I guess I will be having some quiet time to explore them and ask forgiveness and ask for Him to guide me into better ways!

Heart pour

2011-12-26T10:30:00.000-08:00

I've got to pour my heart out a little bit here. I posted recently about our dreamy hopes of building on a lot by my parent's house. We met with the county and it turns out the buildable section is a LOT smaller than it was presented to us, and we walked away discouraged because it was clear that lot was not for us. Once I had it in my mind that building a home by where I grew up was something that *could* happen, I now want to stop at nothing to *make* it happen. There are very few vacant lots in the area, I count 4 including the one that we tried. The other three are not for sale. There is one I found interesting, so I wrote a personal letter to the owners and went to their door fully prepared to talk to them personally about how smart it would be to sell their lot even though it's not for sale(Sounds crazy right?!), however no answer at the door left me the option of leaving my letter at the door. Have not heard from them yet, it's only been a week though. Friday I ran into my old neighbor, he happens to be in construction, so I've consulted with him through lot scoping process. I updated him on what happened with the lot, he informs me I should talk to his wife. They own a vacant lot next door to their home which is vacant. He informed me he has been wanting to sell it for a long time, his wife doesn't want to sell. I about fell over, sure this was a sign that God is taking care of the situation for us. I eagerly waited through the weekend, afterall it was Christmas, didn't want to bug them with business...I called this morning and she said she is still not willing to sell it but if she changes her mind, I will be the first to know. Discouraged again. My options are shrinking. I know something will work out somewhere along the way, because to be honest, things always work out...but in the meantime, I am feeling, frustrated, discouraged, impatient...many more feelings along with losing hope that this dream can come true for our family.

I'm going to bake

2011-12-21T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's been stated here before that I am not really "domesticated" it wasn't naturally in me and there are times since becoming the "mom of the house" that I have caught myself doing "domesticated" things. I've really stepped over the line this time. I am not into baking usually, but there are these traditional cookies that I've been craving and got the itch to bake them myself. Those peanut butter kiss cookies? Oh yes!! Love those, I could eat a dozen in one sitting! I was excited a few weeks ago when I saw an "instant" way of baking them, basically take the mix out and plop some chocolate kisses in the middle, call it a day. That was my intention, to go to the store and get the "ready to bake" kind. Something got me though, I ended up buying the flour, the sugar, the vanilla extract and I am going to bake them from scratch. Why not right? It's Christmas, isn't that what you are "SUPPOSED TO DO"? Feels that way sometimes, I sneak through the holidays without much stress, I admit I am not the one that adds so much to my to do list to make the holidays happen. I am the one that takes my family to holiday parties, we buy little token gifts to offer the host/hostess that have opened their homes, it's always great, but something deep in me always feels like there needs to be more. So this time, I am baking...not because I have to, but because I want to :) Hopefully the cookies will turn out ok and my kids will be grateful for the chance to help in the kitchen ;)

DONE!

2011-12-13T19:51:00.000-08:00

Semester 1 of A&P is complete. I walked out of the class with a B. It broke my 4.0 GPA but when I calculated the possibility of doing really bad on my final and realized it could pull me down to a C, I will take the B! That class is not for the mush brain! Although, my brain officially feels like mush. That's the hardest I've worked since starting my college journey and the fact that I got a hard earned B, is a bit ironic! I can tell it's going to bother me for a while, but I am glad the pressure is off of being a "perfect" student as far as grades are concerned. I am looking forward to a month off of studying and tests and ready to Ace the next semester! I know what to expect now and I am not going down again without a fight!!

Feeling a bit rebelish!

2011-12-12T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's Monday. A mild December day, I am sitting here in my kitchen, SUPPOSED to be studying. I made arrangements for Miles to be at my mom's today. I have my final in A&P tomorrow. This class has put my brain through the wringer! It's been a long 16 weeks, and now, I am sitting with an 85% in the class. I told my instructor last Thursday that this class broke my 4.0. It's true. I had a 4.0 until this class, and now I am 5% away from an A. Nothing I do at this point can give me that 5% and because of that, I have every reason to want to procrastinate and NOT STUDY! Final is tomorrow, I have 6 chapters to review and I just. don't. have. it. in. me. I wish I was a drinker! I guess I have nothing left to do, except study. AFTER I go and fold a load of clothes, which has never sounded so appealing!

courtesy of google images

So close...but what if?

2011-12-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

I dream, I plan, I think about things way too much. But I have something that holds me back from really "tasting" what's to come and planning like it's actually going to happen. When I was a kid, I would sit in my room and draw floor plans. It excited me and I would dream of someday living in a house that I designed. It was something I thought about a lot, but it seemed so far away I think I put it out of my mind as if it was never going to happen. Al and I have been in our home for 6 years. It was a starter home and I've been wanting to hightail it outta here since Miles was born in 2008. The economy put us in the same boat as everyone else, stuck in a home that we owe more than it's now worth. A few years have passed, we haven't allowed our dream of moving be squashed, we just feel like we have to get more creative. Al has mentioned many times how he would like to build a home that suits our needs. If anyone can do such a project, it's him! He's amazing, he could very easily pull together all the resources he has gathered over his many many MANY years as an electrician and we could build a home. It's a very real possibility. But, it was still an overwhelming possibility for me. Not too long ago we dove into renovating our current home and I swore up and down I would NEVER want to do that again. Well, we wouldn't be renovating, but building is much alike, even worse if you think about it!! My mind seems to think it might be worth it. Every once in a great while, on a whim I check out local lot's for sale. Just to see what's out there. About a month or so ago I came across a lot that is 1.3 acres. I wanted to drive past and when I did, I found the map was wrong. I was in the middle of a townhome community and there were no vacant lot's in sight. I called the realtor who redirected me to the right location. Which happened to be LITERALLY across the creek from my parent's back yard. The way I stumbled upon it after it's been on the market for 2 years, I drive past it regularly, I had no idea how big it was until I saw the listing. It dawned on me this lot is meant to be our's. I brought Al back to see it, he agreed it was nice, but he couldn't quite get over the fact that half of the lot is surrounded by water. A creek runs alongside it and in the back there is a retention pond, there is a big berm around it though that retains the water. I grew up literally a hundred feet from this lot and when I say it doesn't flood, it really doesn't. My parents back yard used to flood, but for some reason the water doesn't rise on that side. The size of the lot is perfect for Acilia's dream of owning a horse someday (1.1 acres per horse is the requirement) and if we build, Al could easily put up his dream garage that has a shop attached to grow his business. There is something in it for all of us, and it feels meant to be. I have started thinking of all the logistics and possibilities, even drawing up a floor plan to turn over to a friend of mine who happens to be an architect. Al and I are going to meet with the county on Thursday to find out exactly what we would need to do to build on this lot. There is a big part of me that is at ease, feeling since it's meant to be, it will be. But there is another part that knows that God's will is God's will and I am sometimes not too clear on what He wants for us until after the fact. My prayer is that I see clearly what God's will for our family is, and I can't help but feel deep down how perfect this opportunity is for us. Time will tell, but I am busting at the seams in the meantime!!!

I hope you've noticed....

2011-12-10T13:05:00.000-08:00

I hope you've noticed my little theme of thankfulness in the last few posts. I suffer from Seasonal Depression and this time of year not only makes me gloomy, but it also causes some major germophobic anxiety. This year I have decided to try to work through this unmedicated (years past, my prescribed med was zoloft which works good, but I just want to not have to take pills everyday if I can help it) my doctor back in spring suggested something simple, stay off the zoloft, and use my low dose tranqulizer as needed.That way I have something for when I can't quite shake the anxiety, yet I am not taking something daily. Why didn't *I* think of that?!?! The moral of my story today is this: meds help, but they don't make the problem go away. I am faced with this year in and year out and unless I feel like forever being on something to calm my body into "normal" mode, I need to step out of the box. Thankfulness creeps in. I am spending a LOT more time meditating, praying and reading my Bible. I am getting really close with God and asking *Him* to work me through this. Afterall, God is the answer to everything in my life and I truly believe he will get me through this, right by my side. To get a little boost on the process, I have started taking Vitamin D supplements to make up for the lack of sun in the Chicagoland area. My symptoms are by no means gone, but every little bit is helping. When I start to feel down, I turn my mind to thankfulness. There is something to be thankful for in each and every moment in each and every day. Even those moments of chaos! I am relieved to find how easy it is to find my thankfulness "center" when my mind is going downhill. It's easy to be down in the dumps and just stay there, but it's much more refreshing to work your way out by finding the silver lining. It's there. In everything!

December 3rd

2011-12-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Today is an anniversary for our family. Al and I are lucky we get to celebrate TWO anniversaries, marriage (August 20th) and today is another. Today marks 2 years since kidney transplant day. I can hardly believe it's been so long! Truly! It feels like yesterday, yet so much has happened over the last 2 years that it's easy to believe it's been that long! I still remember in great detail the events surrounding the big day. It is something I am and will forever be grateful for experiencing. Nothing in my life could possibly compare to the magnitude in which I feel warmth deep down in my heart. I am forever thankful to God that he chose ME to help my husband get his life back. I am here today to advocate kidney donation. Look at the stats ladies and gentlemen. Recipient lists are growing, many many many people sit and wait and wait and sit until that call comes in that there is a match for them. Life on dialysis (or any other form of waiting for a transplant) is not pretty. It's difficult beyond any words that I can formulate. Donation is not for everyone, but I plead that you atleast seek it deep in your heart to see if you could possibly ever consider donating. It's a life changing experience and suprisingly a very safe procedure. I can attest to the fact that having a kidney removed absolutely does NOT change anything about how your body functions. I feel exactly the way I did before the surgery and it still amazes me that recovery was so easy. Call your local transplant hospital and just inform yourself. Discover the options.

In the past two years, I've had the joy of watching two friends go through a kidney donation. Their experiences were much like mine. Amazing! Truly amazing!

Here's a quote I have that makes people giggle everytime I say it!
"I truly believe that we were all born with two kidneys so we could give one away"

Our greetings to you!

2011-12-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

I am one that enjoys Christmas cards. A lot! So much so that I usually get the pictures done for our annual Christmas card around Halloween and then they are signed, sealed and stamped, to be sent out the day after Thanksgiving! This routine was a little delayed this year, not for any reason, it's December 3rd and guess what? I still have to put the return address labels and stamps on before I send them out! They turned out really great this year and since I am too lazy to send the cards out, yet too impatient to share them with SOMEONE, you get the joy of seeing the big reveal!

So... here... is... our... 2011... Christmas... card!

Reminiscing

2011-11-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

I had a thought this morning, two years ago at this time, I was at the end of my CNA course. I was 5 days away donating a kidney to my husband and I am pretty sure my stress levels were pretty high! How time changes things!

Last night, I looked at my daughter, she's 8 years old. I realized I was 8 years old when I met a good friend of mine, who is still a great friend to me to this day, she has always been one of my most objective, friends and I am so grateful for that relationship in my life! I am still boggled at the fact that it's been THAT long! I mean, I was 8 and now *I* have an 8 year old!

I look at Miles and see how quickly he is growing. He will be 4 in February, that blows my mind! Where did the last 4 years go??

I feel like I spend a lot of my time waiting for things to happen, ironically that was the premise of the sermon at church yesterday. Waiting. Advent is a time of waiting for Christ's birth and waiting can certainly be stressful or full of anticipation at times. At this point though, I realize all the waiting I do, if I blink, I am missing out on what is happening and then slapping my head with amazement at how quickly times flies! It's a balance, one I am learning to really sponge in.

In the meantime, I had my parents and grandma over for a chili dinner last night. I remember not too long ago having NO confidence in cooking for others. I was missing out. Having my family over last night fed my soul in a way that I can't even describe. Making food for those that made food for my throughout my whole childhood, sharing my home with those that housed me as I grew up, making memories for my children of entertaining in our cozy home. I just appreciate it so much and it's unexpected, because I do own a pot holder that states "Born to shop, forced to cook" I bought it a few years ago and felt it was DEAD ON for me, I have changed. It's a welcome change.

Acilia's teeth

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

Acilia's classmates started losing their teeth in Kindergarten.
1st grade=no loose teeth
2nd grade=no loose teeth!
3rd grade=first loose tooth AND three more!! Exciting and nervewracking. Wiggly teeth don't usually come out unless you wiggle them-Acilia did no such thing...she left them alone-months passed new teeth growing in...F I N A L L Y - her first tooth came out!
About two weeks passed- tooth number 2 came out, nothing noteable about that one, still exciting nonetheless.
The two front teeth were biggies- Acilia's adult teeth began growing in and literally pushing her baby teeth straight out front. It looked downright crazy and the more time that passed, the further they stuck out! We checked regularly to see if they were loose enough to pull-they held on tight and Acilia was in no rush to lose them. Finally last week-one was loose enough to encourage Acilia to wiggle relentlessly until it came out- a few days passed-Friday morning (Nov. 18th) I decided I was going to be the one to brush her teeth, I figured her fronts needed some extra attention- all of a sudden her tooth was in the toothbrush! Quick and painless- Acilia was T H R I L L E D! She then quickly noted we are NOT working on her other loose tooth until it's ready! Friday night came- we met some friends at a place called "jump zone". Acilia walked out of there two bumps to her mouth and a bloody tooth later, we had another dangler ready to come out! I found it quite amusing! Told her God wants those teeth out! She babied the tooth through the weekend- I even brushed her teeth a few times hoping it would fall out in the toothbrush again- no luck- Monday was a half day- I walked up to get Acilia- she had her coat zipped to her mouth. I made a comment that she looked cold. Then she raised her chin and flashed a huge grin! Her tooth was OUT! I gasped with delight, she giggled! Apparently a classmate had accidentally bumped her mouth with his elbow- she said she felt her tooth loose in her mouth! I told her I am going to find that boy and give him a good handshake to thank him! What a fun tooth losing journey it's been! I must note Acilia is not at all "toothless" since her adult teeth grew in before the baby teeth fell out, but she looks so different yet still so beautiful!! My sweet little girl! :)

Thankfulness

2011-11-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

I remember one year when I was an ungrateful child, or maybe just ignorant, we were at a family gathering for Thanksgiving and the inevitable happened. We went around the table sharing what we were thankful for. My turn came and I said "I can't think of anything" ....Jaw on the floor from my parents, not a shining moment on my part. I still cringe. As years have passed, I have learned even when you are feeling blue, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. God blesses us many many many times throughout the day and I have been finding peace in searching for those blessings as I muddle through my days! The obvious thankfulness always comes when I think of my family and friends. Each person in my life brings something that I would sorely miss if they were not in my life. Since going through Al's kidney failure, dialysis and kidney transplant, I truly know the meaning of being thankful for health too! Each year that thankfulness grows because I get to watch him enjoy life again. Something that was missing when he was so sick. I am eternally grateful that I had the matching kidney he needed and that the process was so easy. It still amazes me!

I am thankful for my marriage. So very thankful that I was able to find it in me to commit to working through the horribly tough time we went through last year and years prior and am seeing the rewards for sticking with it!

I am thankful for my kids, of course! The times that they are enjoying one another, giggling or playing nicely, my heart literally melts to a puddle! I am thankful for the patience that I pray for! It's a process for sure, but the moments I am able to keep it together even when my little lovelies are testing, much appreciated!

I prayed this morning, that I am thankful for a comfortable bed. I enjoy bedtime so much, I go and go and go all through the day and when the day is done, I am rewarded by pouring myself into bed. The warm covers up to my face, I am able to sleep peacefully in the safety of my family home, my kids, pets and husband all under one roof.

I spend so much time thinking of the future, it's a challenge to truly embrace the present. I work daily on this, because I am learning more and more how important it is to just be still and enjoy the moment. I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to this way of thinking and thankful for the progress I've made, though I have a loooooooonnnnnngggg way to go! :)

I just took a break in typing and looked down to see my two adorable pups Franko and Remo and must note that I am beyond thankful for pets!!!! They are just what I need every time I am down! Nothing like a warm pup to snuggle!

I am thankful for thankfulness. Truly. If I was still that child at the family Thanksgiving table that "couldn't think of anything to be thankful for" I would be missing out on all the blessings in my life!

Thankful for this day

2011-11-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

The last post I wrote, I was feeling pretty gloomy...I think it's only fair to fill that with a positive now. The last few days continued to be rough, today, I woke up and felt ... it was going to be a good day. I checked the weather, my morning ritual, to figure out what we should wear (Chicago weather is up and down!) turned out we had 62 and sunny in the forecast! Well, instant mood boost!! I practically skipped to the car and have been in a bounce all day! What a difference and I 100% appreciated each moment! So thankful for this day, it was much needed!

Ugh

2011-11-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

This time of the year is hard on me. Going into winter is my idea of torture! I get depressed, I get anxious, I cry a lot more, it stinks. On top of those feelings, I am feeling a little down on myself. I am not sure where these feelings are coming from, maybe it's just my overall cruddy mood, but geez, I am not liking this. God created me for who I am, I feel like I am following the path he has laid for me and that alone *should* be enough for my heart to be content. Last year my life was in such turmoil, I wasn't sure my marriage was going to last, this year we have been blessed with a much stronger relationship and the stability I so craved at this time just one year ago. I am at a point in school where I can see my nursing program in the near future, meaning I am getting closer to my goal of becoming a nurse, and hubby and I are discussing building a home which has always always ALWAYS been a dream of mine, (I used to draw pictures of floor plans and elevations and really thought it would be cool to live in a house I designed someday). My kids are overall well behaved kids, I work hard on their manners and cleanliness and then I think, wow, did I spend any quality time with them today? Yes, we converse a lot, all day really, yes they are happy, but did I get some good giggles in, did I get down on their level and share with them the joys they've experienced that day? Did they look at me and think "I have the best mommy" today? I get so frustrated with my mind, because instead of just being grateful and content with my life as it is and the abundant blessings, I am feeling "less than". It's a tough pill to swallow and I am praying fervently for my appreciation to grow and my feelings of lacking whatever it is at the time subside!

He answers prayers

2011-11-09T19:19:00.000-08:00

Big and small He answers them all! He promises. This was tried and true today. I am always amazed when God listens to my little bitty meaningless prayers and lets me know He's there for me. This morning, Acilia was sick. She woke up and within an hour had thrown up twice. She was holding her head in the tub while I washed the yuck out of her hair, I was combing her clean locks when I said "Should we pray" she said of course, so I prayed. I prayed that she would have a peaceful day and that she would be feeling better quickly. After I said Amen, she immediately said "I have this feeling I am not going to throw up anymore today." I chuckled to myself. My kids don't just puke once or twice, it's a many o time affair. Today was different. Her thought was true. She hasn't thrown up since this morning. Amazing to me. She felt peace and she noted it out loud and it happened.

Another experience today, I was all alone in my room, piles of laundry surrounding me, the rain was coming down outside under a dark sky and I was feeling sorry for myself. Crying; I started to pray that God would soothe me and give me what I need today to cheer up. I asked for sun. No sooner did I say Amen, the sky started to brighten. I looked outside my window to see the bright yellow leaves starting to glow ever so slightly and soon after the sun was shining for a solid half hour! It was Heavenly !!

God listens. He does indeed. He listens to the big prayers, He listens to the small prayers, He answers them and He wants us to go to him in the good times and the bad times.

Matt. 21:22 - "everything you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive"

The Duggars

2011-11-08T14:09:00.000-08:00

Let me first start by saying that I enjoy Reality TV. A little more than I am comfortable admitting. I started watching "19 Kids and Counting" back when it was "16 kids and counting" and have enjoyed each season! My kids often come into the room while I am watching TV and this is one show I don't have to "change" when there are little eyes and ears around.

This morning the Duggars announced they are expecting their 20th child! I understand the Duggars procreating can be a controversial topic. There are many people that feel so strongly that this family is completely crazy. My eyes have seen differently. I had a friendly internal competition going with them. News today is that they have officially broken our family record. My great grandparents had 20 children as well, jaw off the floor, it's true! My grandfather was one of 20 kids, this was many many many years ago (3 generations ago to be exact) and to see that in today's world this is still a very possible option, it's heart warming! Life has changed so much and these days the thought of a big family can send someone into a cold sweat. How do you afford all those children? How do you have time for all those children? Who would WANT all of those children?
Well, clearly a large family is not for everyone, and I don't know the Duggars personally, I can say though that I believe they truly have it figured out! They have God at the center of their life. Michelle and Jim Bob seem to really respect one another (key to a successful marriage, I have learned) and the children are well rounded, loving, giving individuals that are learning some beautiful lessons growing up in a large family. That is the beauty of freedom. If it's not for you, don't do it. Better yet, don't judge ;)

The Duggar Family (Courtesy of Google search)

My grandpa's family (Courtesy of a family photo)

Facebook and Birthdays

2011-11-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a Facebook birthday? You know, the kind that you open your facebook page and it's glittered with well wishes!! What a way to brighten a day right? I see birthdays on my page daily, I am ashamed to admit that I always feel it's pointless to say "Happy Birthday" on other people's facebook pages, I mean, it only takes a second of my time, but I feel like it will just blend in with the others doing the same thing! I allow my creativity to disable me, it's hard to just say "happy birthday" without adding a little bit of flair to the message. Well, I was enlightened today. Birthday wishes in any form are special. The more the merrier! I am making a pact with myself today, the future will hold many more birthday wishes to others on Facebook. It doesn't matter what is said, just that it is said. Thank you Facebook friends for making me feel special and making me realize how I can make others feel special too!

My inbox this morning! and still coming in!

The fun has begun!

2011-11-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: The weekend did START well as you can tell from below, but took a turn when about an hour after I put Miles to bed, I heard him crying, came in and was taken aback by the puke smell. Oh that smell, there is nothing like it :(

My night is going to be spent on the couch with my little sickly, plans for tomorrow to be put on hold. Ah, the glamorous life!!! My sweet little guy, I tried to make light of the fact that he is sick, I said "Miles, you gave momma an early birthday present" he replied "Mom, puke is NOT a present" Poor guy wasn't amused at my attempt at humor :/

What a great weekend! My plans for today included dinner at a great restaurant with my two best friends Brooke and Nena. We have a tradition where we take each other out to dinner on our birthday's! This weekend it was my turn and I am so appreciative of the great food, great company and great night! Brooke is almost 30 weeks pregnant with her first child and we are all aglow for her! It was a long road to get where she is today and to be her friend and enjoying the reward of seeing her pregnant and eagerly anticipating the baby's birth, it's just so special! We all agreed this isn't the best picture, no one had a camera, thank God for camera phones (even if they are horrible quality, they work in a pinch!) Then I came home to a bonfire next door where Al and the kids were having some fun! Tomorrow is my actual birthday, I plan to go to enjoy the extra hour in the day (daylight savings folks!! "Fall behind" turn them back an hour!), visit church, then I have an appointment for a "bamboo infused massage" and then dinner with family at a nearby authentic Mexican restaurant! What a lucky lady! (Ican'tbelieveIam31)

Brooke, me and Nena, see Brookie's little baby belly?? So cute!

Me and the kids staying warm at the bonfire

A note to nonbelievers

2011-10-31T08:25:00.000-07:00

You are often on my heart. I pray for you, even though you don't believe in who I pray to. You don't know Him, He knows you and He loves you.

I opened my mail the other day, a note from my church was there. In it was a story I would like to share today. It's about a couple that I met last year while taking our new members class. Miracle stories (as I like to call them) sometimes seem a little fabricated. But, this one I can assure you is true, because I heard their story from them and saw it as it happened. I didn't know all the details of how God really guided the situation until I read about it, making it even more special to me.

"It's a long story," Allison says, but a year ago, ten days before school started, they needed to find a new school for second grader Michael and younger sister Lillia. A friend suggested St. John's, but there was no opening in Lillia's grade. Allison was making phone calls like crazy...to no avail. Four days into the school year, she was so desperate, that she asked God for help!

You have to understand, Allison was raised in a non-religious family- in fact, her parents were hostile to religion, and she was adamantly opposed to it. She prayed anyway!

And God answered her prayer! Her friend said, try St. John's again. She did, and as it happened (coincidence?!?!), one enrolled child had not shown up. Michael and Lillia were welcomed-although Michael was not hesitant to express he did not believe in God!

Allison and Russ (who was raised in another denomination, but was not active) thought they should find out about this church, so they enrolled in the "new members" class. There, Allison found that Christianity made a lot more sense than she thought. In November of last year, she and Russ became members, which involved Allison being baptized (along with Lillia). But Michael held out...until February, when he too decided he would like to be baptized.

"A family without God now has God," Allison says. "St. John's certainly made a difference in our lives!"

And that is where the story ends. Or begins, I guess it's how you look at it :) The beauty of believing is there are so many different places of worship, find a place that feels like home when you step inside. And better yet, worship comes from your heart and beginning a relationship with Jesus. As I tell my kids, if you speak to Him, He will listen and He will answer you.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find. knock, and it will be opened to
you." Matthew 7:7

If you want to get to know Jesus, I will share a piece of advice my pastor shared with me: Pick up the Bible, if you ask yourself where to start..."start by reading the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John"
(IF you don't have a Bible, let me know where I can send one to you!)

⁴⁴ “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day." John 6:44

I'm not perfect

2011-10-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

Is that a newsflash? Well, no :) No one is perfect. There is a stream of perfection that I feel like I try to live up to though. With me on that? I want my house to be perfectly clean. I want it perfectly maintained, no weeds, no paint chips, no holes in the wall, no dog hair rolling around, streak free windows, beautiful maintenance free flowers, the list goes on. I put pressure on myself to have those things the second I put in my mind that I want those things, and there is the constant nag of failure when it doesn't get done.

Still with me?

I want to be the perfect friend. I want to be understanding, and a great listener and there to support and there for fun and there to giggle and helpful and the creative one and, and, and.... oops, not all of those either. Is the pressure there? Absolutely! Do I put that same pressure on my friends? Well, I work hard not to, but guess what, that part of you that you bury deep down, the part of you that you would rather no one know about you, well guess what? The closer you are with people, the closer they are to your core. Those ugly things they come out. Prime example? Marriage! Oh yes! The epitome of intimacy and imperfection! Something that's been designed so beautifully and perfect, boy is it a lot of work! It's good work, but it's constant pressure to be a good wife, to be a supportive wife, to make healthy food, to keep up with the laundry, to keep up with sex, to keep up the house and my appearance and oh wait, don't spend a lot of money, keep that budget in line! In my case there is also pressure to always keep lights off in the house! My husband is a sort of drill sergeant in that way. He doesn't say hello when he comes home, he says "Why are there lights on in the rooms that no one is in!?!" I fall into the "I failed" pressure. I was unable to stay on top of the lights that were left on when my children left the room, and I got busted. My defensive side comes out. That is perhaps the least perfect aspect of this girl here. Do you ever look at yourself and realize what needs to be changed, but it's such a deep rooted part of you, you wonder if it ever can? I do a great job lately of keeping a handle on my emotions. Taking them to God. But then the one little thing catches you off guard, the accusation, the cancelled plans, tough words from someone, something in life is bound to happen and if it's the right thing, it brings your deepest hidden imperfections right smack dab into the middle of your life. Left for you to deal with. That's the beauty. Imperfection is a given. How you deal with it is a challenge. It's the challenge we all have in us to strive for. We can't possibly be perfect, take the pressure off and stop trying (I will admit, that is WAY easier said than done!). Challenge yourself to be good enough, and then challenge yourself to be content with that. I'm getting off my soapbox now, feels good to have that off my chest ;)

So much to say!

2011-10-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say, but nothing to write! My brain feels like it's going and going and going and going. Full of inspiration and planner type thoughts, but when it comes to catching up on this little 'ole blog, my mind runs out of words. I have for the longest time been feeling the tug to write out my personal testimony. I also feel like writing my kidney donation book. I feel like typing out all the plans I dream out for the future and I feel like talking about life in general. There are daily epiphanies that happen here and it's just such a special thing to me, I would love to share. When it comes time to jot them down, they are gone like a flash of lightning! I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I guess every good writer gets a "block". The good news is I appreciate you all here that have read what I have to say, and I hope that you have walked away from my words inspired, or hopeful about life or with a smile on your face. That's my goal. I strive to be an inspiration and a cheerleader. :) I guess that leads me in the direction of sharing a little bit about my past. Did anyone know that I was a cheerleader? Yes indeed! What's a memory without a picture right? Thank God for tagged pictures on Facebook or my lazy booty would have had some digging through old pictures to do!! Here you go:

That's me on the right with the short hair :) Senior year...fun times!!

Your welcome! Can I go on to share that I was a cheerleader all through my grade school years. For the park district football team. I loved it, and though I was a base, but always wanted to be a "topper" I look back now and marvel at the strength my legs once had!! I could do all sorts of jumps and round offs and kicks. Now I think I would split the muscles in my legs if I tried to do those moves!!! My cheerleading didn't end in grade school. I cheered all the way through high school. Such fond memories I have of those days. Wouldn't you know we live across the street from the high school I attended? We have a card named "the good neighbor pass" we not only get into the games for free, but we also get to skip waiting in line! That is what you call VIP! :) Every year we visit atleast one football game, usually on a Friday night, most of the time it happens to be a homecoming game. Every time we go, I dream of the day Acilia has any spark of interest in being a cheerleader! I am thrilled to say it happened. She has shown interest and you can bet your pyramid (do the cheerleaders still call them that!?!?) that I will be signing her up when spring comes! I pray she doesn't change her mind before then!! In the meantime, I hope you didn't mind my completely random post! I had no idea what I was going to write about when I opened up a new post...

Life has changed

2011-10-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

Parenthood changes you. There are the obvious things that occur inside of a parent. Then, there are the changes that creep up on you.
I speak today about riding motorcycles. My husband has been an avid motorcycle rider since the ripe old age of 16. I started dating my husband when I was 19. His motorcycle was a thrill for me. Big part of our lives. I kept him company while he cleaned it. I begged him to take me on rides. I was absolutely in awe of this vehicle that was so fast and so joyous! My parents hated it! H A T E D i t. Can't blame them. Motorcycles are so very dangerous. Over the years we've been to more funerals than I would like to admit due to motorcycles. When I first started riding, jeans were considered the only must. We didn't wear jackets or helmets or gloves, and it was fine. We had no worries, we felt invincible. I was carefree on the back of that bike and I yearned for each and every ride! Years passed and my daughter was born. I recall a not so shiny moment during my pregnancy that I literally BEGGED Al to let me ride on the back. I was not very far along, there was no belly showing and I didn't understand why he wouldn't let me. I was so mad at him because he went anyway and I was left home. Acilia was born and she was very little when I got back on the bike. Life was a little bit different. I started saying prayers when I got on the back because I realized that both of her parents were on the same bike and the odds were unsettling that something *could* happen to us. The joy of motorcycles started to slip away a little bit for me. Afterall, I was a mom now. Life was not carefree as it was a short time before. Here I am 8 years later. Al still has a motorcycle, he had three up until recently! It's a true passion for him and as his wife I feel it's my duty to share in that passion sometimes. Today was one of those days. It's been amazingly beautiful here in the Chicago land area this past week and I felt it to be important to enjoy a few hours out on the bike with my husband. I said my prayers and then situated myself on the back of the bike, then allowed myself to enjoy the beautiful fall foliage. I was in my full gear, jacket, helmet, jeans, boots. That didn't make me feel safe though. The reality is, if we went down at a speed over say 45...there are serious injuries. It kills me that I can't enjoy something my husband enjoys, it kills me more that I feel guilt being on the back of that bike as I have children at home that need their momma. They need their daddy too. Life is so precious. Until this phase in our lives passes, I just pray that God is not ready for us up in Heaven just yet.

In which I vent about photography!

2011-10-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

I am siiiiiiiiiiccccccckkkkkkkk of my camera. I still greatly appreciate the fine art of photography but the thought of taking pictures these days is beyond daunting. This scares me. Photography has always been such a joy for me. I think the digital world messed it up! I had an old point and shoot camera with a memory card that held exactly 200 photos. It would fill up and I would print my pictures. Easy peasy. Then came into my life a more advanced camera which gave me options of using manual mode and what really put me over the edge? The option to edit. I blew it. I really really blew it! Not only do I not EVER have time or energy to get online to edit my pictures, but I simply can't lower my standards to enjoy the pictures straight out of the camera. We have an office computer with a huge memory, which I am in serious fear it's about to crash, it has all my pictures on it and I haven't printed any since last year! I have beautiful pictures that I neeeeeeeedddd to get out of the computer and into print, but I can't bring myself to do it. Photography, when did it get so complicated?!?! I remember when I got my new camera about two years ago, I promised myself I was NOT going to allow my memory card to get out of hand. Guess what? I blew that promise! It has well over 1,000 pictures on it. And my biggest problem...how can I justify printing all of those pictures??

Let's talk Labor

2011-09-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

"It's Gravy Baby" blogged about her births in honor of Labor Day. I love all stories related to birth and babies, so I figured I would play along too :)

How long were your labors?

6 hours with Acilia (I checked in at 7 pm, had her at 1:08 am)

Less than 2 hours with Miles (my labor started when Dr. broke my water. It was 3:18 pm I had him at 5:04 pm)

How did you know you were in labor?

It was a guessing game
With Acilia, I started dilating at my first internal check (I was a 4 cms and 80% effaced) when I went back the following week, I was 5 cm's. I was sent home because I was not having contractions. I was a nervous wreck worrying about making it to the hospital in time so I basically camped out at home. 4 days later, my back was aching and I figured it was a good time to go to the hospital. I assumed I would be farther dilated and also assumed they would not send me home if I was so far dilated. Worked like a charm, I went in, said I thought I was in labor and when they checked me, I was 6.5 cms. Needless to say I was admitted to the hospital :)

With Miles, I was hoping my water would break so I could tell without question. No such luck. My appt with him revealed I was 7 cm's dilated. The doctor called the hopsital and informed them I would be on my way. I have concluded my body is incredibly weird!

Where did you deliver?

In the hospital and good thing. Both deliveries were very smooth but my body does awful things after the baby is out! First time around, I hemorrhaged. It was bad. I almost had to have a hysterectomy if they couldn't get the bleeding under the control. 1 D&C later and a blood transfusion later along with a few weeks of anemia, all was well :)

The second time around, my placenta would not detach, so they had to manually extract it. PAINFUL! and of course, that led to some extra bleeding along with high blood pressure that needed magnesium for 24 hours to bring it down.

Drugs?

With Acilia, I was afraid of the pain. I opted for the epidural as soon as they offered it. The anesthesiologist thought I was a little nutty. I was feeling fine with he came in to give me my meds which is highly unusual. I was talking and giggling :)

With Miles, I decided to try natural. I went into it with an open mind, but my main reason for doing it was because I had catheters. I figured if I could do it drug free, I would get out of having to have a catheter!! Worked perfect, until I had to stay in bed for 24 hours with high blood pressure. Guess what? I had to get a catheter! Irony!

C-section?

No

Who delivered?

With Acilia, it was Dr. Hay. She wasn't the best coach as far as I was concerned, but after I hemorrhaged and she did everything she could to save my uterus, I appreciated her a lot more!

With Miles, it was my regular ob/gyne Dr. Hussey. I was so grateful that he was there when I delivered because we had talked about my plans to go natural and he had said he was comfortable "catching the baby" however I was positioned. That was my fear, I didn't want to be confined to "stirrups" if I was trying to work with gravity to get him out. Dr. held true to his word! He came in while Miles was crowning and literally caught him like a football! HA! He still talks about my delivery and it's been 3 years!

How about you? What are your numbers?

[Did you adopt? (how long did you wait?) Not a mom yet (how long were your mom's numbers)?]

I have two children. We told Acilia on her 4th birthday that she would be a big sister. It was really special because she had been asking for a baby brother or sister and it was joyful that it happened when it did! I would love one more baby someday. Time will tell :)

Big news!

2011-09-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

It happened! It finally happened!
Acilia is 8 years old. She had friends in KINDERGARTEN that started this process and Acilia has been waiting ever so patiently for it to happen. It has happened!! We are in 3rd grade and it FINALLY happened!!!

Acilia...

Lost....

A....

TOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww! My little girl has finally lost her first tooth. It happened the other night. She's had "wigglers" for a while but she is so patient and just was sort of hoping they would fall out on their own. Much persuasion from pretty much everyone she talks to, gentle and not so gentle reminders to WIGGLE THOSE THINGS LOOSE!! Finally the other night at bedtime I noticed one was hanging by a thread. It took some patience on our part to allow her to come to terms with it FINALLY being time, but she was brave and we tugged and pulled and...then she freaked a bit when the blood started to drip. She wanted to see what was going on, so she went into my bedroom to see in the mirror when she yelled, "IT'S OUT!" Came running back in to show me. So much excitement! Of course she made a few phone calls and jumped for joy. Fun times :) Fun memory :)

Caught red handed

2011-08-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

I did something yesterday, I haven't done it in a while, but man it felt good and bad at the same time.
After school, I took the kids to the mall. I bought some clothes for the kids, which is a must have, however, the way I went about paying was where I went wrong. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I did it anyway. Our budget started in January and now that we are 8 months in, I have seen where we need to add more money to get by. Al isn't quite at the point where he agrees to "adding more money" his mentality is "you need to spend LESS" Good point honey. It's a tough balance and having a "shopoholic" in me waiting to climb out at any moment, it's a struggle. Well, I went to the mall, spent a lot of money and I had no cash; therefore it wasn't a "planned ahead" shopping trip which is what Al's preference is, and furthermore, I spent more in that one shopping trip that we have budgeted in a WHOLE MONTH! I pulled out my debit card to pay for not one, but TWO big transactions. I came home with the kids, pleasant with the deals I got on the clothes that they needed (well, they didn't need *all* of them, but that's where my weakness comes in!)

I got home and organized the kids' closet. Found a place for our new finds. Put the bags away and the receipts away and took a sigh of relief that Al didn't come home before I was done.

Here is where I admit that back in the day, I would have left it at that. Al would not have been informed of my spending spree and my prayer was that he wouldn't find out when our statements come because I would have promptly put those away too. (Bad wife! Bad Wife!!)

I've learned how incredibly damaging that can be and how it just kills trust. So, awareness is the first step right?

I knew deep down I needed to come clean about my shopping yesterday. I just have been a little bit on egg shells with Al because he's been working really hard, coming home really tired and doesn't have a lot of time to deal with his wife and her mess ups. We weren't being very kind to one another last night while in bed. I am stressed because I have to get to bed way earlier trying to force my body to realize it's bedtime even though just a few days ago, I was staying up WAY later while enjoying summer. Al watches TV to "settle in" and we constantly disagree on what he watches and how he could keep the volume down a bit. Ongoing dilemma!! I got cranky with him, and in the midst of it, he had the nerve to ask me if I had gone shopping. WHAT?!?! I thought to myself "How did he know" and in a tongue in cheek type of moment, I grunted out "no". God slapped my hand when I said "no" he and I both know that was a flat out lie. That lie haunted me through the whole night, I slept horribly. I didn't even mean to say "no" but I really was exhausted from bantering back and forth with my husband and I just didn't have it in me to have a conversation about how I had screwed up. I promised God that I would make it right and kept tossing and turning while trying to sleep.

The sun is up on this new day and I started it alone. Al was not in bed, he had already left for work. I got Acilia off to school, Miles and I are home doing some things around the house. Al calls me. He had called to apologize for the way he was acting last night "I forgive you and the good news is, you have many more times to keep trying not to do that, I will forgive you then too"

Then I said it "I lied to you last night" it sends shivers just typing it. Lying is a big bad thing and if I hadn't opened with those hard to get out words, when would I have told him? It had to be done, I promised God I would tell him.
I explained that I did infact go shopping, and that I did infact use the debit card when we have agreed to use only the money that is budgeted for shopping and nothing else. He was very kind to me while I explained my crime. I appreciated that. Probably more than he knows.

Marriage is such a balance. It builds on small acts throughout each day, some are bigger than others, but you can not move on until those things are solved. Period.

With the end; comes a beginning

2011-08-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

I posted about the end of summer; which rounds out to today sharing how Acilia's first of school went.
It was a half day. The school does that to "ease" the kids back in to class. One of the joys of a Lutheran school is that the first day of school starts with chapel. All of the students under the church roof, lot's of parents and a joyous service with singing, sermon and the "declaration" of a new year! St. John's school opened it's 123rd year. WOW! Amazing. I was saddened to find out that Acilia's teacher from last year will be retiring at the end of the year. I feel so blessed that Acilia had her and she deserves her retirement, but boy will we miss her!!

To back up a bit, I have to add how adorable Acilia looked in her light pink polo and khaki skirt with pink knee high socks and black mary jane shoes. Adorable, really, until Miles spilled my coffee allll over Acilia's shirt. She was royally peeved, I could see it on her face, and she was embarressed too. Rightfully so. She shook it off within a minute or two and held her head high as she walked into the classroom. My sweet girl.

After chapel, Miles and I went to visit my friend Hilary and her *three* kids. She has two boys close to Miles age, and she just had a sweet little strawberry blonde teeny tiny baby girl a few weeks ago! Miles and I were so excited to meet her and I thought it would be the perfect thing to do while Acilia was in school for a few hours.

Time quickly came to pick Acilia up from school. She came out with a smile on her face (and holding the feathers she had put in her hair in MAY! Guess the first day of school is a good day for them to fall out! Ha)
In the car we had our "end of the day talk" I asked all the questions I could until my heart was content. Cya soaked it up! I told her "I'm going to stop asking questions now, so you don't get sick of talking about it" she said "Keep asking, ask anything you want" :)

Overall, she rated her day an 8. It would have been a 10, had it not been for the coffee fiasco! Her highlights were getting to go outside, and having snacktime :)

Summers End

2011-08-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

I associate the school year, with the beginning and end of summer. I know technically the first day of Fall isn't until next month. Today is the last day as far as I am concerned. Tomorrow, Acilia starts 3rd grade. It's been on my mind all week. The looming "end of summer". I look forward to summer all year and to think it's over in a blink, just irritates me! I feel blessed that Acilia's school started later than most of the schools in the area, everyone else is already "in the mode" after a week of being back in the swing of things. But our "mode" starts tomorrow. The tough reality is my alarm is set for 6 in the morning. I haven't had my alarm set that early for 3 months! I've enjoyed the leisure of getting up whenever I want and enjoying the days with my kids. Today I awoke and wanted to have some fun with the kids. I know it's not our last chance ever to have fun, but when shool starts so does the race against time it seems. The hustle and bustle of responsibility. Today was our last ditch effort to live it up summer style! We first visited my parents house for lunch. Then it was off to Jaynesway Farm for pony rides. They have a nice little path that goes over a bridge, and is shaded by the trees. Acilia loved when Miles was on the pony, she got to lead. She's been practicing leading a horse during horse lessons, so it was nice to put the practice to use. Then Acilia's turn came to ride. It seems a little silly to have an 8 year old enjoying a pony ride, but she still does. Thoroughly! :) And she's more than 20 pounds under the weight limit, so I think she will take advantage as long as she can. After pony rides, we walked around the barns and saw many many many horses in the stalls. The kids love saying hello to all the horses. We finished up at the barn and then headed to a nature park nearby. Miles and I went last year once in the summer, Acilia had never been. It's set up really neat with trails in the woods and a bridge that goes over a ravine. There is a nature center too that is set up so kids can explore bugs, nature foot prints, snakes, etc. Fun times!! My favorite part is the "honey bee box" it's set up with a small entry from the outside so bees can come in and out as they please. The box is clear and it shows how the bees make the honey. We got home a little bit ago, dinner was eaten now the kids are playing outside for a short while before it's bathtime and bedtime! Back to work tomorrow! (UGH!)

Respect your husband challenge Day 24

2011-08-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty-four:
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the
training and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4
Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support
her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his
fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to
give up.
Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and
encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he
spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for
these important life skills.
If you don't have children - is your husband positive and encouraging around other
people's children? Let him know that you have noticed.
If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need
to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents,
and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him
how to parent - while still maintaining his authority in the home.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

require written permission.

Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com

Respect your husband challenge Day 23

2011-08-27T17:45:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-three:
"Let your speech always be with grace..." Col. 4:6a
You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of
what you've committed:
"You can't say anything negative about your husband... to your husband...or to anyone
else, about your husband. "Each day, say something that you admire or appreciate
about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!
"In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works..." Titus 2:7a
Does the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a
pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the
surface of ways to encourage your mate.
Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a
pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more
of these traits that you see in him.
Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more
spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to
help him with disciplines he has not yet developed - but this does not include nagging.
You can keep him organized.
Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he
wants to give up.

Respect your husband challenge Day 22

2011-08-26T14:21:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-two:
"Let your speech always be with grace..." Col. 4:6a
Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your
community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If all my family and friends knew about
my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my
husband?" Do you need to change the filter?
Do you talk positively about your husband to others... or do you complain and criticize?
Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never
"rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes
to trick us in this area - be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."
Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband
before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse.
Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may
come back to him - and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never
tearing him down.
Don't forget: you are always criticizing - or encouraging - before an audience. God hears
your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your
speech be always seasoned with grace.

While you are considering how your speech can reflect the grace of the Lord in your
husband's life, don't forget that your words can also encourage others. When you share
what God is doing in your life through this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge", others
will be blessed. Perhaps other wives will be moved to take up this challenge.

Respect your husband challenge Day 21

2011-08-24T17:47:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-one:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be
added to you." Matt. 6:33
If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal
perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and
encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.
Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism
and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him
for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world.
If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system
and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will
go into eternity...the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right
things.

I did it!

2011-08-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

I started school in 2008...to begin my long journey towards stepping out of stay at home mom and stepping into RN. There are many many MANY hoops to jump through in the process of preparing for nursing school. There was one in particular I've been putting off. Anatomy and Physiology. The class intimidates me. I've heard horror stories. It's something that must be done though, and I've put it off long enough. Today was my first night of class. I sat through it, and was relieved that the instructor wasn't speaking a language I couldn't comprehend. I actually followed along quite well with complete understanding. I think this class will be ok! Good thing too, because a few of my fellow CNA students starting nursing school today. That was a bit of a kick in the gut. I'm SO happy for them, but I am ready for it to be my turn. I don't at all regret taking the "slow and steady" route. I have taken one class per semester, so my focus can be on each class, yet still remain on my 2 little lovelies! If all goes well, I will apply to the program at the beginning of next year, and *I* will be the one starting nursing school at this time next year. It's so exciting to think about, I must remind myself to keep taking it slow though! I am too close to mess it up now!!

And, complete and total side note: the last few nights I've been trying to break my nighttime snacking habit. Woooo, not going well tonight at all! I started well, then rapidly started downhill. It is now 12:07 am (SHOULD BE IN BED HELLO!!) and I am sitting here snacking on twizzlers instead! UGHUGHUGHUGH!!!

Respect your husband challenge Day 20

2011-08-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty:
"And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ
also forgave you." Eph. 4:32
It's time for some heart examination. As you continue in this 30-day challenge, have you
found any roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your
husband? Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband -
by God's grace and in His power - you will not be able to encourage him? Your own
resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving
attitudes. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you.
Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems?
Express your thankfulness for such a man.
Does your husband - rightly or wrongly - harbor grudges against you? Again, are there
things you need to change, or do you need to ask for his forgiveness for an offense?
Help your husband be more forgiving by quickly forgiving him for his mistakes.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

require written permission.

Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com

Respect your husband challenge Day 19

2011-08-22T14:24:00.001-07:00

Day Nineteen:
Read this description of a wife's description of her beloved - Song of Solomon 5:10-16
Criticism leaves scars; but encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as
you focus on your "30-Day Encouragement Challenge."
Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive.
Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands' bodies.
Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter
how a man looks - by the standards of the world - a loving God designed them all, and
they are all "beautiful" in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his
uniqueness.
As you look over your husband's body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head,
thank God that your husband is "wonderfully made," then admire your husband verbally.
(Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders?
Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?)

August 20th, 2004

2011-08-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Al and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary yesterday.

The day started with rain. Exactly like our wedding day.

I was disappointed because we had plans to enjoy nature with one another

we had a sitter for a few hours in the afternoon, then my parents were keeping the kids overnight.

We were excited to get a night together, just the two of us!

As quickly as the rain came in, it left. The afternoon turned absolutely gorgeous!

Exactly like our wedding day. I remember it so clearly. I walked into the salon to get my hair and make up done that day.

It was miserable outside. I was pretty miserable inside too.

No bride wants rain on her wedding day.

I came out with hair and make up done, the sun was out.

I felt like a bride.

The sun came out yesterday, I felt alive!

Al and I went into downtown Geneva where we rented a tandem bicycle to ride up the Fox River.

What a fun experience!! The beginning was marked with me laughing uncontrollably! That bike was quite an experience and having Al in control of our everything, left me quite vulnerable. It was a great time! :)

We rode into the next town, went to the Fabyan Villa and rode through the grounds where it's all kept up by the forest preserve. Beautiful!

It was time to return our bicycle. We rode back and then enjoyed homemade ice cream cones.

We went home to a quiet house. That was rather odd. We have two kids, having them both out of the house at the same time is rare. We enjoyed the quiet and started watching the "uncut" footage of our wedding day.

Nice memories are brought forth by videography.

We then got ready to go to dinner.

We were in the mood for a nice steak dinner. We went to a place in Downtown Naperville called Sullivan's steakhouse. The wait was long. We had no reservations. I guess we are out of the loop with going out on Saturday night at prime dinner time. We sat at the bar for the time, enjoyed people watching and the live band. The time came for our table and I wasn't even really hungry anymore. Al ordered a bigger filet, I shared a few bites of that :) We each got huge baked potatoes. Tasty meal!

It was time to leave, it was raining again. The rain was refreshing. Always is in the evening hours.

We went home again and sat for a little bit. Watched more of our wedding video.

The Dupage County fairgrounds was hosting an all night flea market. Al and I thought it would be fun to visit. I had never been to one and Al hasn't gone since he was a kid. We walked around marveling at all the "random junk" that was on display. I walked out pretty convinced I wouldn't need to visit another flea market anytime soon. It wasn't a horrible experience and it was fun to be out so late in the night. We got there at about 11:30 pm and stayed until about 1:30 am. I came home with some quartz crystals, my favorite by far being the amethyst one I brought home. Al promised to get some something sparkley, he delivered :)

We poured ourselves into bed at close to 3 am. We took full advantage of the evening to ourselves.

It was such a treat to spend the time with my husband and not have any obligations to fulfill with the kids. We took full advantage of sleeping in too. I woke up to read the clock at 11:41. WHAT?! I can't remember the last time I slept that late. The kids are home now, the memories of our 7th anniversary will be up there as one of my favorites for sure. We always try to do something special on the day we celebrate our marriage. I am so thankful for the stability we have been blessed with this past year. Prayers answered!

Respect your husband challenge Day 18

2011-08-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Day Three:
"...love suffers long, and is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ
Jesus." Phil. 4:19
Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge,
determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband.
Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement.
If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank
him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to
be both tough and tender.
Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender - especially if he hasn't had
role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help
without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone.
Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is
responding, and express your gratitude.
Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc.
Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

require written permission.

Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com

Five Question Friday

2011-08-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these...fun questions this week! I must partake :)

Rules for Five Question Friday: First and foremost...HAVE FUN!! Oh, and copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for mylinky post appear Friday morning!

1. Do you have siblings and are you close with them?

I have a brother. I had always dreamed of having a younger brother or sister. Never happened. Oh well :) I'm an adult now, I am over it...(or not! LOL!)

Yes, I am close with him. I am close with his wife and 4 kids too! I am blessed to have such a great family!

2. Would you rather be slightly UNDER weight or slightly OVER weight?

Without a doubt UNDERWEIGHT!!! I am "normal" weight for my height and I constantly feel like a beached whale! I hate that feeling! LOL!

3. What's your favorite State Fair food to splurge on?

I can't think of one. We ate a lot of ice cream cones this year at the fair...but I pretty much splurge on ice cream all the time, so can't quite narrow it down to "fair food" :)

4. What are your thoughts on your kid(s) going to school in a few weeks?

It bums me out and I want to make the most of the last little bit we have of summer. I enjoy the routine the school year brings, but summer is my absolute most coveted time of year, the free time, the late nights, the long sun days, the smells, the heat, the swimming, the laughs, the everything about it!!!

5. Pool or Ocean?

For swimming, a pool. Hands down. Chlorine is WAY better than salt! Bleck!

However, there is nothing like hearing the constant waves when you are near the ocean. So relaxing and beautiful!

Respect your husband challenge Day 2

2011-08-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

Day Two:
"...through love serve one another." Gal. 5:13b
How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your
husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say
something negative? We hope you're off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up -
start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for
them.
Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help
around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget
allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't
think it's part of a "Honey Do" list! Maybe your husband's not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his
willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

require written permission.

Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com

Embarking on a challenge

2011-08-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I am ashamed to admit, my husband feels I don't respect him. This revelation out of him never ceases to leave me scratching my head. *I* feel like I respect him. Knowing he feels this way though, leaves me with the duty to make it a mission of mine for him to feel that I do infact fulfill his need for respect.

Here's when the challenge comes in.
Google is a great thing, I was literally able to type in "How to let your husband know you respect him" and get a plethora of answers. I came across a great 30 day challenge and am willing to see if at the end of my 30 days, if my husband has noted any changes.
It's safe to say he doesn't read my blog, so I will state here my goal is to NOT tell him that I am doing this challenge, to see legitimately if it works.

Anyone care to join me?
Anyone care to hold me accountable??
I will post each day what the challenge is for the day and hopefully after 30 days is up, I will have some results to report!

Here we go!

Day One:

We're so glad you've decided to accept the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" to
encourage your husband! Your decision means that you truly want to be a blessing in
your home. This challenge will also result in spiritual growth in your own life.
We'd like to encourage you to keep track of what God does in your marriage over this
next month. We hope you'll take time to share what God does in your home as you
bless and encourage your spouse.

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life." Prov. 31:11-12
To refresh your memory...here's the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge...for the next 30
days:
* You can't say anything negative about your husband ...to your husband...or to anyone
else, about your husband.
* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your
husband...and to someone else, about your husband!
To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for "choosing you" above
all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though
many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that
you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest
of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner.
One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How
do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a
"wake up call" that he'll never forget-a big "I love you" and an "I'm so glad I'm your wife!"

A little note

2011-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, I LOVE comments. Love them :) I am so glad I learned the "show email" trick, because I reply to the comments through email. Not here. If you are a "private" blogger, don't be discouraged, this note is for you!! I read each and every comment that comes through and I always want to reply, seems silly to come here to reply though, because I know back when I was a "private" blogger, I didn't go back to check replies on comments I had made on blogs.

So, just so you know, I am replying now, thank you for your comments!! If you open up your email, I will reply directly to you. Promise!! :)

Incase you want your comments replied to, it's a simple fix. Go to "dashboard" click next to your profile image where it says "edit profile" go under "privacy" and be sure to click "show email".
You will open yourself up to all sorts of replies and validations for the words you take time to share!! :) :) :)

OR, just link me to your blog, I will be sure to visit!

Thanks peeps!

Two randoms

2011-08-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have two things on my mind tonight. School and a house.

We have had in mind that we want to move since 2008. The economy and Al's health have been what have kept us from moving. There is a house I went to see today, it's been "haunting" us. I went to see it back in 2008 when it was up for sale for (ready for this??) over $100,000 DOLLARS more than it's listed for now!!! I still can't believe it. The price now is because it's a bank owned property. It's vacant and needs some work, but it's in sound shape and it would be a place my family could be very comfortable!! To run down, it's on 1.3 acres (Acilia's dream of owning a horse someday COULD come true at this house, that alone makes me giddy to think about!!) it has 3 bedrooms plus a loft that we could someday turn into a 4th bedroom if baby #3 ever works into our cards. I can't get it out of my mind. I have a way of obsessing over things when I am pondering something big. How to make it work, CAN we make it work!?!? Afterall, we do still have the house we live in. The simple solution would be to rent it out until the economy gets better, so we don't have to lose money on hubby's hard work and dedication when we purchased it. In a nutshell, that's weighing heavily on my mind. Mostly because it keeps popping up to grab our attention when we least expect it. I told Al if the price drops (it is due, last price drop was in June, banks drop the price on foreclosed homes about once a month) again, we need to make an offer. It's just something we need to do. I feel it.
I took the kids to see it yesterday, of course we just walked around outside, since it was all locked up. I had them run through the yard, it was heart warming to envision many years of having a yard for the kids to run their hearts out!

Thought number 2 comes in where I think oh my gracious it's AUGUST!!!! I signed up for anatomy and physiology for the Fall semester. I started classes in 2008 and since then, I have been putting this class off! It intimidates me beyond belief and since I *need* to have it and I am eager to get into the nursing program, it's just time. I am apprehensive though!! I have taken numerous courses and each class I have gotten an A. The ante is up. I have it as a deep desire to maintain my 4.0 grade point average, though realistically I know I can't possibly keep that average through all of school. I will be heartbroken when I break the trend. I just know it and this class; it could potentially be what breaks me. So, I am scared. Ready for the challenge, but definitely scared. My motto is "Baby Steps". With everything that comes in your life, just take it one baby step at a time until you get through it. This is a time in my life where I must practice my own advice. Boy it's hard!

Dupage County Fair 2011

2011-08-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

We go to the county fair each and every year. It's a fun time for our family. It runs from Wednesday - Sunday the last weekend of July. We've been spending many hours and mucho dollars at the fair for many years in a row now and I have to say there is nothing more fun to do during the summer!! Even though the days are usually beyond hot, I almost always wear uncomfortable shoes and there is a LOT of walking; it's still a family favorite. I usually take the kids on the first night. This year I dropped the ball and waited until the second night to go! :::Gasp!:::: we had so much fun though and we didn't even go on any rides! Acilia loves animals (no surprise!!) so she spent time on the pony rides and with the animals at the petting zoo. Miles spent a lot of time at the Lego tent and in the corn pile with trucks. We also visited the duck races. Acilia was called to race a duck, she ended up winning the "grand prize" which was a duck visor and duck whistle. Ha! Fun stuff!

The next night, (Friday) Al and I took Miles (Acilia was at her cousins' house) he had fun showing daddy the Lego tent and we walked all around. He got to go on a few rides and really soaked up his time with mom and dad.

The following night (Saturday) was a first for Dupage County Fair; a monster truck show!! I had a feeling my nephew Joey would enjoy the show, so we brought him with us. I didn't quite know what to expect, I also didn't expect to enjoy it so much!! I was so impressed with what these vehicles could do and impressed that my camera cooperated with my picture taking!! I have been so bad about uploading pictures; but I do promise there are many pics that I've been taking, and of course will share here when the time allows!

The following day (Sunday) was the final day of the fair. That's horse show day. Acilia and I have a tradition of getting to the show first thing in the morning and spending many hours in the hot sun admiring the horses! We were introduced to 4-H this year and it turns out there is a group that's all about horses. I was beyond thrilled to find this out and the best news is you have to be 8 to participate in 4-H, do you recall who just turned 8 in June?? That's right! Acilia!! I love when things are dropped in our laps, counting our blessings!! I contacted the office and found out meetings start for the new year, next month! There are about 70 kids in group ages 8-18. Acilia is going to LOVE IT!!
Al had said he wanted to take Miles to the demolition derby, since Acilia and I got to spend quality girly time together all day. I was fine with it, until the time came and Acilia and I wanted to go too! :) We made it a family thing and another fair event was thoroughly enjoyed!!

I don't know when or if we will ever get sick of doing the same thing year after year, but the County Fair always fulfills our pallet for animals, nature, hot summer weather and fair food!! Oh yeah, and the rides!! I am always impressed with my daughter's ability to get on the rides that make my stomach jump!! Crazy kid! She's been going on the fair rides as long as she was tall enough and I still get nervous watching her!! I have a feeling Miles will be joining her next year! :) Yes, that's right, already talking about next year. Can't wait!! Sunday came as we were leaving, and I found myself a little melancholy. I really enjoy having something wholesome and fun to do each day, and the fair fills that for us!

And, because I used to enjoy writing poems, and feel the "burn" to write one, let's see what I can come up with:

The Fair:
Family fun
for everyone,
the fair offers
funnel cakes
corn dogs
ice cream too.
Rides that make your stomach jump
rides that spin around
rides for boys and girls alike
rides that flip you upside down.
Walking, running, laughing, eating
never a dull moment to be had
carnival adventures
lights and lines; tickets and cash
all that's spent makes me want to dash
The animals are plenty
horses, sheep, pigs, goats
rabbits, chickens, cows
all making their presence known.
Each year the fair promises a fun adventurous time
Though my germophobic ways can't quite get past the grime!

(Ok, it's been a while since I wrote a poem, maybe I should stick to just writing out my thoughts! Ha!)

Ack!

2011-08-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Ack to the fact that my kitchen sink was found leaking this evening; we now have to order a part for the faucet.
Ack to the fact that now means I will be using the bathroom sink in the adjoining room to get water.
Ack to the fact that two nights in a row, I have had the unfortunate pleasure of encountering a centipede!
Ack to the fact that I found a house that is perfect for our family at an unbelievable price and I can't stop thinking about it!
Ack to the fact that I am the only one awake when I should be sleeping!
Ack to the fact that I am eating way more than I should be lately with no good reason!
Ack to the fact that I am still car shopping and still not a bit closer to figuring out what I want!
Ack to the fact that one of my dogs sheds :/ :)
Ack to the fact that I so badly need to go grocery shopping I actually picked up poptarts from 7-11
Ack to the fact that I ran out of "ack to the facts" :)

courtesy of Google

SUYL- Parenting advice

2011-07-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

Boy do I have a lot to say on this topic!!!! Not that I am sure any of it is relevant to any of my readers, but I think it's great to "check" your parenting periodically and what better way than typing it out!

Linking up at Kelly's blog

Parenting advice, OK, a few things jumped to mind before I opened this to write. Now I have a blank brain!

I can first say that each and every child is different. You will find your first child and your second child have things in common, yet I feel that your parenting has to be based on the personality of your child. Some things work better for one child, that won't work at all with the next. Be creative and intuitive!

Each child needs special one on one time. I purposely had my kids a few years apart, so each one would get that special bonding time with mommy. I don't suggest you spread the ages of your kids out like I did, because that's certainly not for everyone, but no matter what their age difference, view each child and really focus on their interests, and indulge those interests!!

Give your kids choices whenever possible! I believe it will boost their confidence and sense of independence.

Urge your children to be courageous, to be friendly to others and most of all be honest with them about you. Share stories of bravery, but also stories that taught you a lesson.

When disciplining, be sure that you have their attention. Yelling does not make a child listen, focusing their attention on you while you are speaking to them is what holds their attention. Ask them to look at you with their eyes and have them repeat to you what you said so you know they understood and heard you. It helps everyone to stay calm.

Allow your children to dream. Encourage their dreams. They may be "out there" or downright crazy, but if you listen anyway, they will feel validated and have a desire to maybe one day make those dreams come true!!

When your children disobey, find Bible stories that work with the situation, and use it as a learning experience. We have been blessed to raise our children, but we must not forget WHO we all need to focus on. Jesus is the answer to everything, kids can learn early on to be accountable to God's commands for us. My daughter Acilia has a Bible in her room. When she gets into trouble, she is told to sit in her room. She has gotten into the habit of reading her Bible when she is in her room alone. It melts my heart, because she probably learns more in that time alone; than she would if she was being punished a different way!

Take the time to let your kids do things for themselves. It can be patience testing, especially when you feel rushed, but it really is good for them to learn to do things on their own.

And a silly little side note for new moms, pack a scissors in your diaper bag when your children start eating solids, you have NO idea how much easier it is to cut up food with scissors than it is with a knife! :)

Happy birthday to my poodle

2011-07-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

My dog remo is 11 today. Anyone with pets can relate to the way that animals have a way of stealing our hearts. I'm a dog person mostly, have had dogs my whole life and I can honestly say I would never agree to not having a dog in my home. Having dogs just makes a house feel like a home. When I was 19 years old, I moved into an apartment in downtown St. Charles. It was an apartment above a store on Main street. I couldn't wait to have a place of my own and when I moved into my apartment I took great pride in decorating and making it feel like home. What I wasn't prepared for was how lonely I would feel living alone. I had not only left my family home where my parents and my brother lived, but I was also living pet free. I didn't last long before I started searching for a puppy. The family pet I left behind was a black standard poodle named Jack. I love everything about poodles, especially that they don't shed! I knew I wanted a poodle of my own. My search ended when I came across a creme colored 16 week old poodle. My parents went with me to pick him up. There were two to choose from. The one I chose had slightly darker colored ears. So cute. We brought him home, I sat in the backseat with him for the long ride home. He kept reaching his nose up to my hair and sniffing me. It was creepy and sweet at the same time! Ha ! I looked through baby names and decided to name him Remo. Remo has been my buddy since the day I got him. He's got personality and he gave meaning to the term "fiercely loyal". He is protective of me to the point where he has to be locked in his crate when we have company and he and my husband have had a few alpha wars. :) I wouldn't trade him for the world though! He is a cuddly pup and I know I am one of the only ones that gets to appreciate that side of him. I am ok with that. I know he would die to protect me and for that I've always felt safe near him. I still remember my apartment days when I would hold him and he would hug me like a panda in a tree. Bystanders would make comments that he looked like a stuffed animal. He's fun and spunky and acts like he belongs in a circus if you give him a soccer ball. He's a great dog and I am grateful I've had 11 years with him.
We celebrated the way we always do; I stopped at the store with the kids and picked up a box of Frosty Paws (ice cream for dogs); both Remo and Franko got to enjoy an ice cream treat :)

Marriage

2011-07-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to write a post about marriage advice for a while now. The time is now, because Kelly is hosting a marriage advice link up! I figure I can write my advice and then go and read the plethora of advice there!! :) Win/WIN!

I feel unsteady sharing my words of "wisdom" because Al and I had to fight to get to stable ground in our marriage, it has not been easy and we still struggle, but the good news I have is that we worked together to do it. And God worked in US to make it happen. Those facts alone bring forth a wisdom that I can share and hopefully down the road I can elaborate more with what I learn.

God is the center of my heart. It wasn't always this way and to be quite honest, I walked into marriage with NO IDEA what types of trials we would face. I found myself many times thinking that I had gotten myself into the "wrong marriage". My first step was realizing that I was meant to be with my husband and I do truly believe that deep down. So I made a choice to commit to that and keep it in my heart always.

Advice #1:
Attitude is EVERYTHING!!
We have choices in each and every day. We can choose to look at the negative aspects of our spouse (let's face it, we are all human, ANYONE can find something negative in their spouse) or we can choose to look at the positive (let's face it again, EVERYONE has redeeming qualities, even when we are mad at them).
I choose to see the good in my husband; even when I have to struggle to come up with things at times!! :)

Advice #2
PRAY for your spouse and for your marriage!!
Pray about your spouse's attitude, choices, actions, all of it! And then pray that you as their spouse can receive it and deal with it with LOVE, KINDNESS and most of all PATIENCE!!
It's easy when things are good to get along, but the prayer you do when things are NOT good; that's when you will notice the difference. And I believe God will bless you when you reach out to him to help you with your marriage.

Advice #3
Admit to yourself right now that marriage is work. It's work to laugh and it's work to cry. There is work that is easy and work that is beyond your strength. But overall if you commit to finding the best in your marriage and appreciating what's good and working on what's bad with a level and honest head, you will find that conflict comes no matter what, it's how you deal with it that helps you to move forward.

There was a time in my marriage where I could not tell my husband I love him. I truly didn't have it in me, I was hurt and not having feelings for him the I way I felt I should. In hindsight that was a season in my emotions that needed to be a part of my life to teach me the things I have learned. This was perhaps the time where I prayed the hardest FOR my marriage. God is the only way to keep a marriage together. In the good times and the bad, God needs to be the center of it all.

I am a big advocate for reading to improve your life!! The book related to marriage I highly recommend
The power of prayer to change your marriage by Stormie Omartian. I have SO many pages "dog eared" in this book!!

Organ Donation strikes again!

2011-07-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

Al has a friend named Jeremy. Jeremy jumped at the chance to be tested as a donor for Al when Al was in need of a kidney donor a few years back. Unfortunately Jeremy was not a match for Al. That could have been enough; but Jeremy wasn't satisfied. Today Jeremy went under the knife as a kidney donor to a recipient he's never met. Jeremy felt just because he wasn't a match for Al, doesn't mean he wasn't meant to be a living donor. Al took Jeremy downtown this morning, they had to be there by 6 am. It is now 6 PM Al is not home yet, I think he's happy to hang there; soaking up the goodness of what's transpired today. Jeremy got through surgery with flying colors and from what I hear he's recovering very well! I hope we hear how the recipient is doing at some point, I love happy endings!!

God bless Jeremy!! It's fun as a donor myself to share this experience with someone that's done the same surgery. And the fact that Al was the reason both of us did it, just shows me yet again what knowing someone on a waiting list for a lifesaving transplant can do in your life.

Are you a donor?

A positive pregnancy test...

2011-07-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Is what I was sort of hoping for this past weekend. Al and I have two kids, I hope to have one more, he feels pretty content with the two we have. It would be a pleasant surprise to add a third child to our family; I am praying it's in God's plan for us at some point in the future. I was hoping this was the time. My hopes were off though. It didn't happen this month. I'm feeling a bit bummed. More so than I have in the past when a pregnancy was a possibility. Life will go on; I will stop envisioning life with three kids; until the next pregnancy "maybe"...

Dude Ranch Pictures

2011-07-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

It's time to share! Oh yes it is! Saddle up; there are a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 1!

I adore all animals; I believe I was singing this goat a lullaby! Ha! Just kidding on the lullaby thing :)

Our first trail ride. Acilia rode "Blaster" he turned out to be her favorite horse!

The trails were gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous!

One of my favorite momma daughter pics :)

All the journaling that we did; I used my self timer to take a pic :)

This one cracks me up!

Sooooo happy in my new boots!!!

We visited the sled dogs everyday!

The rodeo

Line Dancing

All packed up and ready to check out

Acilia was saying good bye to all the horses before we left. She would have stayed longer if she could. She L O V E D it at the ranch!

Let's catch up; shall we?

2011-07-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially half over; much to my dismay. I feel like I look forward to summer all year long! The beginning of summer was overlooked due to our excitement for the Dude Ranch trip. We got home after 8 days, settled in and now have just been embracing summer (could that possibly be why I haven't shared pictures of that Dude Ranch trip yet?? GUILTY! So sorry! There are just a few over at my photo blog but I *do* still intend to get some here too!)
Here are a few random updates for now:
This summer I have begun working as a CNA. I answered an ad on Craigslist for a couple nearby that requested the assistance of a CNA to work with a stroke recovery patient. It's been such a great experience thus far and I am looking forward to as much time as they need me, watching improvement as we work together a few times a week. I go there for 3-4 hours each time, we usually walk around the block a few times, we do a lot of range of motion exercises, we've worked on critical thinking/mathematics workbooks and anything else that is needed while I am there. I am eager to help and they are eager to reward. It's a fabulous set up!

Vacation bible school starts tomorrow, Acilia was signed up for horse classes through the park district, the beginning of the summer was "Horse Sense" which is basic knowledge and grooming experience. Later in the month Acilia will start 5 weeks of riding lessons. It was my goal to have her with horses all summer without spending too much money, I believe that task has been achieved!

We are very much looking forward to the County Fair which happens at the end of this month, but as much as we look forward to it, I have a hesitance to be too excited, because summer REALLY seems to fly once the fair is over.

I have been enjoying seeking more details about Heaven. It's been on my heart to learn more about Heaven and I have looked it up in the Bible, but also am quite intrigued by personal accounts of Heaven. I recently finished reading a book called "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo. It's a little boy's account of his visit to Heaven when he had a near death experience. It warmed my heart to visualize images that were being described in the book and at the very end I was introduced to a girl named Akaine. Her child prodigy talent has me in complete and utter awe! A 16 year old girl who was painting vivid images of Heaven and Jesus at the young age of 8. Acilia is 8 and though I am usually blown away at her horse drawings, this girl Akaine's talent leaves me absolutely speechless! I urge you to look her up (follow the link I put in for easy access) and marvel at her wondrous paintings.

As for the rest of the summer and anything I forgot to mention, I am eager to savor each ray of sunshine that comes my way. I know it will be all too soon before the snowflakes start to fall and I slip into the period of the year where I truly wish I could hibernate! For now, I am vibrant! Summer is my absolute favorite time of the year!!!!!!!

courtesy of Google

A first for Miles

2011-07-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Last night Al got the idea for us to go see a movie as a family. Acilia has gone numerous times, but little busy body Miles had never been to a good 'ole movie theater. Until last night. We looked for a movie that would hold his attention and since it was 6:30 pm we had to search for a theater that had it playing between 7:30 and 8 PM to give us time to get there, but to also keep us from being out too late. Tough task but we settled on "Cars 2" at 7:55 at a theater about 25 minutes away. We informed the kids it was a movie night and we headed out. I love spontaneity! I warned Al that he shouldn't be surprised if it was a big waste of money, because if Miles wouldn't sit still and watch; we would be leaving. (Similar experience when I took Acilia to see "Over the Hedge" when she was about 3! Once her popcorn was gone, so was her interest in the movie! HA!) I believe it was in our favor that Miles had missed his nap. He sat through the movie very well; his attention was held and he was nice and quiet the whole time! I was very impressed and enjoyed looking over at my little guy as he enjoyed his first "Big Screen Flick" I also really enjoyed looked to my right and seeing my whole family with me in the theater. We usually split up; Al and I will go see a movie on date night, or I will take Acilia to see something that comes out. But never have the 4 of us gone to the movies all together. Made me feel like a "family" :) As if we didn't already feel like one!

The green truck was named "Miles Axelrod" our little Miles was so impressed that his name was in the movie!!!!

Overall an A+ for the evening! EXCEPT when we were on our way home driving through a residential neighborhood; our car got egged! Ugh! Who still does that anyway?!?!?! Add salt to the wound; we weren't in our car. We are doing an extended test drive on a brand new Dodge Journey. Irony!!!!!!! We pulled over and called the police. Al walked over to where it happened, he didn't see anyone out there, but there were some shutters moving in the house that made him suspicious that it was kids who ran after they did it. There is some minor damage to the paint; there were two eggs, you can see where they hit, sort of formed a "bulls eye" effect in the paint.

A new day

2011-07-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Well God delivered a blessing to me this morning. As he always does when I need it most. If you read my post last night, you know I was in a dark place. This morning, I woke up after a not so restful night of sleep. I picked up my "The power of prayer to change your marriage" book; wouldn't you know the chapter I was at in the book when I opened it, was exactly what I needed to read this morning! And if that wasn't enough, I sat down in Acilia's room to do my reading, next to the radio which always has Klove on; the song playing is one that we sang in church on Sunday. Titled "Cry out to Jesus". Thank you God! Message came through loud and clear!

Crying out to Jesus

2011-07-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

I sit here at 12:40 am on the 4th of July. I have no one to talk to; but I sure need to vent. Not sure publicizing my internal emotions when my soul feels like utter chaos is the right answer, but to be honest, I have no idea what *is* right at the current moment.

Hubby left to visit a lakehouse with some guy friends this weekend. I hoped he would get the relaxation and fun he needs; since he works so hard (He's always sure to remind me of this, along with he is the provider for the family and I virtually do nothing around here). He came home this afternoon and my day has felt like shambles since. He came in telling me he missed me; I go out of my way to try to give him some attention; without giving too many details, I wasn't up for the sort of attention he really needed, but I did my best to cuddle and catch up, there came a point where I left the room otherwise I felt like my attention could be misleading. Time came to leave for my brother's house who he and his wife put together a big family party to celebrate the holiday. Al breaks it to me he's not going. ?? Confusion, frustration, irritation. (Keep your cool Karrie, keep your cool...) I left the house without my husband and not even completely sure why he decided to ditch his family and claim he wasn't very happy with me. It's been a while since I've felt so lost with his actions. I got myself all worked up in the car and had to take detours to compose myself before getting to the party. I ended up in a local church parking lot praying and asking for the strength to get my tears dried up and go enjoy my family. I was just so hurt. Why did he think it was OK to do this to me? Does he realize how it tears me apart? We were at the party for a few hours when he shows up. I was surprised to see him there; wondered what made him change his mind. More confusion; I don't know how to act when my insides are hurt, and we are not in a place to discuss what happened and WHY!? I am a why person, I like answers and his actions never match his words and I am constantly left feeling like I am the source of every part of his grief and I can do nothing right. My confidence is shattered and I had little confidence as a wife to begin with. I am not getting what I need emotionally and on top of that I am so tired. I am tired of not knowing how to act. I can't be myself; that's not accepted, I don't know who to be.

Party ended, he seemed ok, so I tried to settle back into comfort. We came home, got the kids to bed, I showered and came to bed. Al was in already in bed watching TV, so I turned the light on to do a little bit of reading from the book "Heaven is For Real"...apparently the light was bothering him because he got up walked over to my side of the bed and turned the light off. I asked him to turn it back on, he said no and walked back to his side of the bed. I switched it back on and said I would be done reading very soon. (He's still watching TV at this point) I finish up within 10 minutes, switched off the light, I was starting to nodd a bit while reading so I knew it was time to sleep. I started to drift off, not sure how much time had passed; I felt him next to me, he turned the light back on and I heard him say something while shaking the bed; "EARTHQUAKE DRILL" I do recall telling him he was acting like a jerk. Since I was awake, I noted he was watching something that I call "harming to my soul while I am trying to sleep" it was either violent or loud, or frightening, something along those lines that causes nightmares if you fall asleep watching or listening to it. We've had this conversation soooo many times about TV watching in the bedroom. My view is I hate having TV in the bedroom, but if you are going to watch it, please be considerate of the fact that someone else is in the room *trying* to partake in a peaceful slumber.
He is adamant that he is relaxing and I should leave the room if I don't like it. This is about the time that my insides always get all worked up, I start to feel tears coming, internally I am shaking, wondering what action is suitable for the current situation. I tried a conversation, he shut me down; told me we were done talking. What do I do? I am asking; WHAT DO I DO?!

I am eager to learn what the Lord wants to teach me, I just don't know if I have it in me to keep being treated this way; it's just not healthy. It feels so wrong; yet there is nothing I can do to change it. It kills me because it's happening TO me against my will and I have no solution. I am a solutions person, I want to make peace. Instead I shut down. That's my defense and it's the opposite of proactive. I am stuck and feeling low and just looking for answers.

You Capture - Water

2011-06-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

When I saw this topic, I knew just the perfect thing! We caught the sprinklers on the golf course when we were out of town :) I loved how the sun was glowing through the water falling off the trees!

Jesus loves you

2011-06-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

As I sit here and read another journal entry for the sweet and strong Kate Mcrae they are enduring something no one would wish on their worst enemy and her words enlightened me. Stregthened me. Were just what I needed to hear. Our lives couldn't be more different. They are experiencing the fight of a lifetime with their innocent daughter battling cancer, I am here sitting in a stable life. Yet, we have something in common. The core of our lives; Jesus. He loves them. He loves me. He loves you! This morning, I was internally struggling as I always do, not feeling what my husband needs from me. I often times feel defeated, that I am neglecting to give my husband what he needs and just not having it in me to give him. I spend a lot of time in prayer over this; and to be honest, I was just needing something today. Something that tells me it's ok; the job is not mine. I sat down here at my computer and opened up my email. A journal update for Kate; it was 2 years ago that Kate and her family learned of a brain tumor growing in her little body. The last paragraph gave me the sign I needed today; Kate's mom goes on to say that Jesus loves her sweet Kate more than she could. They clicked for me. Jesus loves my husband; more than I ever could! He loves my children more than I ever could; he loves my family and my neighbors and everyone in the world; more than I ever could. Jesus is bigger than me; a lot bigger and he has the capability to give each and every individual what they need. I am at a point where I believe my prayer needs to shift a little bit; yes I still would like to challenge myself to give my husband what he needs, but to know that it's not all my job; that I can pray that he opens himself up to receive Jesus' unending love and know deep down that's all he needs. It is a profound moment for me. More profound that I can ever type here. I have a thankful heart at this very moment. Peace and comfort and hope!

Home

2011-06-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

We are home. Ahhhh, as much as I was anticipating being home the last few days, I found it really hard to say good bye to the ranch. The people there were so nice, I really enjoyed the horse back riding every day and the other animals there were so precious! The ride home was smooth sailing and when we hit our exit to head to my parent's house (to pick up Miles) I found myself crying! I was so happy to be home, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I am so thankful to God that this trip went so well and that He kept us safe and happy. I was chatting with a woman on my last trail, her name is Joanie and she's been coming to the ranch for 18 years with a friend she met AT the ranch. Our chatting had her revealing to me that in her cantering days, she fell off her favorite horse and broke her shoulder. It happens. Horse back riding can be dangerous and I am just so grateful that it was not dangerous on our clock! I have so many pictures that I am working through. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't atleast pick a few to share??

This ranch has over 90 horses!

Comfy rocking chairs :)

This is where all the fun happens! "The Back Forty"

Many more to come! Yeeeeehaw!

Day 7

2011-06-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

10:40 pm

Well-there are no regrets today- we started the day with a 10 am trail ride-that was our only trail all day! Felt kind of weird! It was perfect though because it started raining when we were done! So Acilia took a "walk" trail and I took a "canter" trail. Acilia requested Blaster - I believe he's her favorite horse. I rode "Mater" It was just me and the wrangler again-this time it was Thomas- We ran up a huge hill- it was great! Got back early so we took a walk around the barn. I've taken many rides here this week I can't believe all the trails! So many and they are all beautiful! My favorite by far has been the "tall pines forest" rows and rows of trees- so beautiful! After our ride-we were informed our "steak dinner trail" was cancelled- we had signed up and paid in advance but there just weren't enough people signed up- Cya was let down- I had sort of expected it would happen- so I wasn't surprised. But I was disappointed. I though that would have been a great "last night" thing to do- we went and got the refund- which was a blessing because I am so low on cash and it was my mission not to use credit cards while here! We ordered a pizza and played in the arcade for a while- we went back to the room for a few hours and then left to try the rifle range. It was Acilia's first time with a gun and I was so happy she tried it! I plain old stunk at it! Didn't get one shot on the target! Not like my "cluster shot" days as a kid :( That rifle was hard to aim- so that's my justification for being so bad! Ha! We spent a lot of time at Back Forty today- visited the dogs and the petting farm and they had mock lasso practice and barrel racing set up- Acilia loved it all! We went back to the room for sandwiches- hung out for a bit and got ready for a night of fun at the talent show/line dancing. I SO enjoyed the line dancing- I love that kind of stuff - Acilia lasted about 5 minutes then asked if she could go outside- I could see her out the window so I told her it was OK. She went back to the lasso practice- Thomas the wrangler was out there- he spent a lot of time helping her-so sweet! When the line dancing was up- I went out to join Cya- there was quite a group of kid's by then and Thomas started a game called "Lasso the kids" Each child lasso'd had to sit on the sidelines- Cya was the last one standing; I got a cute video...she even slipped out once :) After that we visited the petting farm - I have the hardest time getting Acilia out of there! She loves the animals so much!!
So, tomorrow we check out! I have a little packing left- we have a 10 and 11:30 am trail- we will probably say good bye to the dogs and the petting farm animals and hit the road headed H O M E ! !

This has been such a great trip and I have really enjoyed writing updates each day! It's sure to be a trip we remember for a lifetime!

"Word" check in

2011-06-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's been 6 months since deciding on a "word" for 2011 ; if you don't recall; my word is "commit". I have had numerous nudges since January where the word "commit" comes up and sort of reminds me to stick with the journey of growing and staying true to my "commitments" to that simple two syllable word. I will say that I have been pleased with my progress and will continue through the year (and longer!) but further admit there has been nothing earth shattering about sticking to things aside from feeling more like a stable individual that sticks by her word.

Day 6

2011-06-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

9:00 pm

Time is winding down- I find myself counting down till we leave more and more- I miss Miles terribly- talking to him and Albert on Skype is so hard- I see them but the connection is awful so it's sort of like a tease. I spoke with them for almost an hour- I hung up with a headache after straining to hear but it was so nice to see little Miles bopping in and out of the room and the pups and of course the hubs! Can't wait to hug them all! Today is Sunday- I was hopeful all week that we could find a church to visit - there is one close by but they have only one service on Sunday (9:30 am) I didn't get out of bed until the service had already started. Needless to say we missed it :(
We left here about 11 am had plans to visit the "swimmin' hole" (pool) and say HI to the pups too! We had enough time to see the dogs and swim- I stayed out of the pool- water was freezing on one side and green on the other Bleck!- that's what the pool gets with all the rain! The green water didn't bother Cya much- she said it was warmer on that side and there were more things for her to do over there. We dried off and left in time to get some lunch before our 2:30 trail. I've been eating the chicken fingers, may be a kid's meal but they are sooooooo good! After lunch we changed in the bathroom and headed to our trail ride- I rode Josey- took her on the canter trail- I was the only one on that trail; so that was pretty nice! The wrangler Joanna and I cantered a few times- I had to laugh at Josey's method - she would canter canter canter TROT canter canter canter TROT- she couldn't make up her mind! I remember thinking I should have emptied my bladder before the ride- I was pleased there was no wetting the saddle! I *DO* still have bladder control! :) I made a joke to my wrangler and she said they have had people wet the saddle; I replied with "you must see some funny things having all these people on the trails!" We returned and then went out again- I love the back to back rides! I got Josey again! First time all week I've had the same horse twice in a row- Josey was sweet so I didn't mind. Acilia and I took the trot trail- I was so surprised she wanted to trot again- but impressed that she wanted to! We asked for a horse with a smooth trot- Dakota the appaloosa was her horse- she said it was still too bumpy! We'll see what she tries tomorrow :) Josey was a little better on the trot trail- though she cantered more than she trotted- silly horse! When we were done- we went for ice cream and have been in the room since. I went and did a load of laundry- disaster! It was coin laundry and they had no detergent on site- I had just enough money to wash-not enough to dry and with no soap- it was more like an expensive rinse! Ha! Atleast I tried! We ate here in the room and did some coloring and relaxing and are hoping to get to bed early tonight!

Day 5

2011-06-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

10:28 pm

It took three tries but Acilia passed her trot evaluation! Her perseverance paid off! We took a trot trail right after the evaluation- she did NOT like it- what can ya do? I told her just because she can trot doesn't mean she has to! We'll see what tomorrow brings! We spent a lot of time at the "Back Forty" today - It's so fun to immerse yourself in the lifestyle of the place you are in- we spent a lot of time with the animals at the petting farm and we visited the sled dogs! I miss Franko and Remo so much - so visiting the dogs here was quite a treat! I think we will be visiting them again for sure! We gave lot's of belly rubs :) Our trails today were at 2:30 and 4 pm. First ride was on "Bullet" and second was "Bugs". Second trail we trotted- it was great! "Bugs" was very smooth and I practiced posting :) Tonight was the big rodeo- there's been lot's of talk around here so we figured we better go- I went to get tickets but was informed it was part of our package- nice surprise! I didn't quite know what to expect, never been to a rodeo- it was quite entertaining with kid's riding sheep for as long as they could stay on, bull riding (I've dubbed it "bullbucking"), barrel racing- I even teared up in the beginning as the wrangler's rode the arena with American flags proudly in the sky and a beautiful solo of the National Anthem- I was also pleased there was a prayer- even if it was a "Cowboy prayer" - I love when God is a part of a public event! Perhaps the most comical part was when I had to go in the arena- I was wearing a strapless dress and sandals (which I removed before going in!) and walked into a muddy sand pit to race other "out of towners" to chase down bull calves to retrieve a ribbon from their tail- at one point I was charged by a whole herd of them! Ha! I walked out full of muddy sand- the priss in me was thinking ewwwwww- but I must admit it felt pretty good! Almost like a sea salt scrub at the spa! Our time here is winding down, I absolutely can not WAIT to share all the pictures I've been taking!!

Day 4

2011-06-24T21:28:00.000-07:00

11:53 pm

Well- we are halfway through the trip and though I am still really enjoying the activities here at the ranch- I believe missing home has set in. I've had anxiety on and off throughout the day and my body hates me! It's not the kind of pain I anticipated- It's sciatica/low back pain that's making me highly uncomfortable. The day started with sleeping in a bit and then a good soak in the hot tub. While in there- I looked up stretches for sciatica - and it seemed to help! We left our room around lunchtime and headed to the General store. Acilia requested "backwards lunch" (code for she saw ice cream and wanted it!) I gave in because if you can't splurge while on vacation, when can you? Acilia attempted another trot evaluation- she did not pass but she was truly so close! She rode Dunnit and finished the whole course. Got him to trot the first half but he wouldn't trot the second half. I teared up watching her- I was so proud! She will try again tomorrow and I truly believe she will pass-Dunnit was so sweet- I hope and pray her horse tomorrow is just as good or better! We got to our first trail of the day at 2:30- Acilia got Cody again. She did excellent keeping up a good pace- improvement from yesterday- remember "Pokey Cody"? :)
I road Skunky- I've had great horses- truly no complaints! We came back and waited half an hour then saddled up again for a 4pm ride. Acilia rode Moose- tallest horse she's been on! I rode Cherokee- apparently it's an "adult only horse" so I was honored and intimidated to ride him. I took him on the canter trail and he was great!! (They say he's an adult horse because he spooks on things and then will back you up right into trees, etc. to get away from whatever scared him.) I couldn't get over how cute his ears were- brown with black borders- I may have taken pictures of his adorable ears :) I want to jump back to our visit to the general store- we met a man named Brett- he introduced himself to me and asked me to play checkers. Brett has downs syndrome and was sweet as can be! He hugged me and told me I am beautiful :) Bless his heart! I played two games with him then Acilia played once. I am always working on pulling her out of her shy ways-this trip has been great for that! Back to the trails, we finished at dinnertime- I was starving! We came back to the suite and made PB&J sandwiches- we relaxed a bit and then I thought it would be nice to go see a movie. We ventured almost 30 miles away to watch "Mr. Popper's Penquins" we both really liked it and came out super tired. I made the trek home and then we settled in- Acilia didn't even write in her journal- too tired...atleast I got her to brush her teeth!

Day 3

2011-06-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

9:30 am
Woke up this morning to raindrops outside of my window! Not a good thing since horse trails are outside- Cya doesn't mind at all- she reminded me they go rain or shine-nothing gets between that girl and her horses! I am glad though that we have just one ride ahead of us for the day - I decided last night to trade our 4 PM ride for two passes to the water park- Good call!

10:20 pm
The day has been great!
We set out to have Acilia tested to trot, got there 15 minutes late and couldn't do it. We took a ride to kill some time before our 11:30 trail- I was on a mission to find boots! The shoes I packed are horribly uncomfortable-never were a problem before this trip but I knew it would be a long few days if I didn't find boots! We stopped at a Factory Surplus store- they had nothing that would work so they suggested a horse tack store about a mile away- we had a major time crunch but I tried anyway-made it to the store but they didn't open until 11. It was 10:40. We waited until a few minutes after 11-still no sign of anyone. We had to leave or we would be late for our 11:30 trail. I was so disappointed. Riding in wet ugly weather with horrible shoes-Boy was I crabby! We made it in time and I got on Simon- what a sweetheart! He was so easy and PRETTY! He was light brown with white "dapples". Acilia rode Cody today-Pokey Cody that is :) The group was big and since the weather was iffy- we had three wranglers with us- I was chatting with "Justin" he was telling us stories about his time here at JJ. He was also helping Acilia keep Cody at a good pace. All the while giving her pointers on good posture while trotting. Very enjoyable ride- All things considered! Ride ended- I was back on a mission for boots. We went back to the tack shop it was adorable in there! We spent a lot of time in there and I did walk out with a pair of AWESOME CUTE & COMFY boots! I can't wait to try them tomorrow! The rest of the time day was spent at the water park- we ran into a mom and daughter - we buddied up and spent the whole evening together- social treat! Sandy & Casey- Sandy recognized me from the canter trail last night and Casey was an 11 year old well mannered sweet girl! I am bummed to report they are leaving tomorrow :( We left the water park and headed to get a bite to eat- we had just ordered when Sandy and Casey walked in- we invited them to join us for dinner- it was nice to have company! We finished dinner and then went for some ice cream- Sandy and Casey came back to our room to see what the suites looked like- Sandy is considering JJ for a family reunion trip- we finished up the evening with "It was nice to meet you" I gave her my email address and they left. You meet so many people in your life- some you know you will never see again; always makes me sad! Tomorrow is a new day- I can't believe tomorrow marks half way through our trip!
P.S. I forgot to add Acilia did attempt a trot evaluation, the horse wasn't great and neither was the woman evaluating. Acilia did not pass- she was so disappointed she got off the horse in tears :( She is determined to try again tomorrow though! That's my girl!

Day 2

2011-06-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

***UPDATED with second part of the day****

June 22nd - 11:45 am
Just got back to our room after a busy morning! Acilia passed her evaluation- YAY! I could tell she was nervous- but she did GREAT! She rode "Mustang" and Christa was her evaluator. We set up our rides for the week - I am going to be hobbling with soreness when we are done here! It's almost noon- we are relaxing now- Acilia is locked in the bedroom playing horses and I am on the "western cowboy" themed couch- with TLC on the flat screen, computer in my lap and some coffee (Starbucks!) Life is good!!!
P.S. My legs are soooooo sore! I haven't even gotten on a horse yet- I am kicking myself for weeding the dog pen before leaving for the Dude ranch- the back of my legs feel like they are full of knots!

9:52 pm
Well two trail rides done since I wrote last! We had a 2:30-3:30 ride and then turned around and went back out from 4:00-5:00 pm. The first ride, Acilia rode "Blaster" (named because he "blasts gas"! Ha! He and Cya were the perfect match!) I road Cash, love that name! Both of us were happy with our horses, Blaster was so good! I think he really boosted Acilia's confidence. Cash was great too- so sweet! We walked the whole trail which definitely got monotonous! I was thrilled that we have the option to split up...the second ride- Acilia went with "the walkers" I went to "canter"! Acilia was on "Cleo"- nothing but trouble that horse was! Cya was not pleased- kept calling Cleo a bad horse (after the ride was over) and said she doesn't want to ride him again! I had "Spring" he was good-amused me that he grabbed every low branch as we passed. Eat on the go kind of horse :) The canter trail was T H R I L L I N G! What a treat! Acilia wants to be evaluated tomorrow to take the trot ride- Go Cya! She is also talking about being evaluated to canter- eeeeeek my little thrill seeker! We came back from the trails- got a bite to eat to dine in our room- we started the hot tub that was sooooooooooo nice- just what this 30 year old body needs after what's sure to be a sore butt, knee, ankle sort of day!

Journaling

2011-06-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

Acilia and I arrived at the Dude Ranch today. I bought each of us a journal to note each day; I decided I will type my entries word for word here on the blog :

Day 1

We are here! We arrived today at 3:15 PM - thought we would have time to make it to our 4 PM trail ride- turns out time here is an hour later than IL! So we actually checked in at 4:15 - missed our first ride - kinda bummed! Cya was bummed too but we got to our room and I was blown away! A W E S O M E room- complete with kitchen, sitting areas, a balcony (corner room too!) one bedroom with a hot tub in the room! We have two fireplaces- nice is an understatement! I got unpacked- Acilia was hungry so we set out to explore - we got a bite to eat at a restaurant that had a pull down screen to play movies. An Old West movie was on- Acilia wasn't too happy about that- moments later the server came to ask if we minded if she put a kid's movie on- Yes Please! She turned on Madagascar 2- Cya slowed down with her eating because she wanted to stay longer and watch :) We left afterwhile and got Cya an ice cream cone- one of many this week I am sure!
We shopped a bit and enjoyed the resort-It's a mix of Dude Ranch West with modern touches- It's great! I look forward to exploring more tomorrow and taking LOT'S of pictures!!! Speaking of better run, this time change could be a problem tomorrow morning when we have to be out the door between 8 and 10 AM to get Acilia's horse riding skills evaluated so we can get to the trails!!

P.S. I hope to stay on a budget this week I'm saving receipts and will track our spending - we took a trip to Meijer (half hour away! Grrr-not local!) to get some groceries and goodies :)

8

2011-06-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

8 years ago at this very moment, I was approximately 1 hour away from delivering you. My 7 pound, 1 ounce baby girl who was arriving 13 days early. My labor was blissful. Truly. I remember the anesthesiologist that came to administer my epidural was amused that I was giggling and happy when most women are in pain at that point. I watched movies and conversed with my mom and your dad and the nurse on call. Time came to push. I pushed for 40 minutes. The whole experience was surreal. I had the movie "What Women Want" playing and between pushes I was watching the movie. You were born at 1:08 am; you came out with bright beautiful red lips that the nurses dubbed you "A Revlon Model"! We both had a rocky start. I nearly bled to death immediately after you were born; came very close to losing my reproductive organs, thankfully the doctor was quick about getting me to surgery to do a D&C to stop the bleeding. You got to meet me hours after birth where you nursed for the first time. It was seamless and perfect. Your coloring was off though and I mentioned to the nurse that you looked blue. The nurse whisked you away to the NICU where you stayed for 3 days. They thought you were showing signs of infection. That was sheer torture due to the fact that I was bedridden for the first day of your life due to the blood loss. At one point I begged to be wheeled down in my bed to the NICU to see you. It was then that we bonded in a most amazing way. You were placed on my chest. We snuggled as you inched your way up to nuzzle in to the crook of my neck. You ever so gently started to suck on my cheek. It was then that I knew that we would have a special relationship.
You can never go back to the experience of having your first child. I would give anything to bottle that time up and treasure it forever. Each day that passes, each year you grow, I enjoy watching you blossom before my very eyes! It seems like just yesterday I was giving you your first bite of solid food, and now you are growing into a wonderful young lady! Life is amazing; being a mother is such a gift and I am so very thankful that I have you my sweet little girl to call my "First born"

Hard Working

2011-06-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to my husband. When I think of one word to describe my husband it's "Hard Working"

The way he worked through dialysis while still supporting his family and the way he started a business while dealing with kidney failure says so much about him; it's hard not to note his extreme loyalty to taking care of his loved ones. He makes me feel like I will always be taken care of and I just know my kids will grow up feeling the same way! We are so happy he now has a working kidney so he can work and love as hard as his little heart desires! :)

Digging a little deeper, I could describe him as "FUN!" The man likes to have fun and he likes everyone around him to have fun too! He works hard and plays hard!

He was a man that was sincerely surprised when I found out we were pregnant with our first child

A surprise that took some adjustment for both of us.

He proposed to me at our baby shower when I was 8 months pregnant.

It meant so much to me! It showed me he was willing to embrace the new life we were about to embark on.

He is the father of two children now; he adores his children and they adore his tickle monster antics!

He's loving and carefree and is growing as a spiritual role model

No one can treat my kids the way their daddy does and as the mom that gets to see it from the outside,

I am blessed that I like what I see!

Happy Father's Day to my one of a kind husband Al

We love you

Yes

2011-06-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, I donated a kidney to my husband. Yes it was awesome to be able to do it. Yes we LOVE talking about the experience. My husband still tells everyone who will listen how I was his donor and that genuinely melts my heart to see him talking about it. Truly though; it was not *MY* act. It must be clear that it was not my *CHOICE* to give my husband a kidney it was a *CALLING*. My message from God was so very clear. Al was on dialysis for a total of 4 years. It still bothers me deep down that I didn't think to test sooner; so he wouldn't have had to suffer through dialysis for so long. But that wasn't in God's plan. We were trying to get pregnant right before Al's kidney failed. We were unsuccessful and after about 3 months of trying; we found out that Al was infact suffering from kidney failure. I look back and think how different the whole situation would have been if I was pregnant and found out my husband was gravely ill. God protected us. About a year later, we had settled in to our new life as "dialysis family" and we decided to try again for another child. We got pregnant on the first try. Miles was born and our lives would not be the same without him. God knew what was best for us. Miles got a little older, Al got a lot sicker and the calling began. God urging me to get tested. It didn't take long for me to listen to the voice telling me I would be a match for my husband. The second I made the decision to be tested, I *knew* that I would be a match and I *knew* that the process would all work out. All I did was make a decision to listen to God and God has done so much more than I could have ever asked for! I stepped out in faith and through that faith I have been blessed. So YES I donated a kidney to my husband, but I firmly believe and will attest to the fact that no one deserves the Glory for it, besides God. He made it happen, I was just the tool that he used.

Deuteronomy 28:2
All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God