My baby is gone!

My daughter left for horse camp yesterday. She left a 9 year old and will come home a 10 year old. Horse camp was a "last minute" thing and it's the worst timing I could ever have dreamed, but it was "right" and we rolled with it. At the end of the school year, a flyer came home for walcamp. I half heartily looked at it, and then I spotted a "HORSE CAMP" option. I mentioned it to Acilia and lo and behold, she said she would LOVE to go. Acilia is a child who needs her momma. She has been this way since she was a teeny tiny baby. Momma's girl through and through. She has stated many times she has separation anxiety. So imagine my surprise when she so enthusiastically stated she was game for a week away from home! I was hoping to find a friend that would go with her, since this is her first time away from home, I wanted her to go to the week at the end of July. We had no luck in finding anyone to go with her, and then a we found out a friend of her's from school, one of her best friends actually, was signed up with her older sister. That was my cue. I had to let my baby go! As I said the timing is not great, we had about a week to prepare for this and she left on FATHER'S day. That irked me a bit! What also irked me was the fact that her birthday is this week and she was scheduled to come home the day AFTER her birthday. My baby has never been away from us on her birthday! She didn't seem to mind at all, so again, we went with it. I was in utter shock, but I wasn't about to let her know that. A part of me expected her to change her mind at some point. And then there we were, a day before she left, packing her bags. I was in denial and I was feeling anxious, but she maintained excited anticipation, so I went with it!

Yesterday, Horse Camp day came, we drove about an hour away and then checked her in and then...then...then...we left. That's right, we left her there. As planned, but I did NOT really expect it would be that way! I expected her to get there and decide not to stay and come home with us! But she didn't! Infact, she gave me a huge smile and a sweet hug good bye!

She is doing it! She is away from home and this is her second night there, and I haven't heard from her, which I take as a good sign! I still can't believe it, but I've been praying for her A LOT, so I know all is well! We've heard so many times that people have the best memories of summer camp and I am thrilled that my daughter is experiencing something so special! Even though I wasn't ready for it. Oh and the best part, we decided it would be OK for me to pick her up around dinner time on her birthday. It's the last day of horse camp and all she's missing is the last morning where check out is at 11 am. So she is excited and I can't wait to go pick her up and give her a big birthday hug!! In the meantime, we are giving Miles some extra attention and he will get to sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's one night! 

Ch-ch-changes

The end of the school came and went so fast, if you blinked, you may have missed it. We made many great memories over this past year and the last day of school were no different. Acilia's class knew she would not be returning next year, so the teacher gave her the class "horse" puzzle. So appropriate because they know her so well and know she loves horses. The teacher also had each child in Acilia's class sign a card for her. We will cherish it. It brought me to tears, so very sweet!! 

I took the same exact picture on Acilia's first day at St. John's in 2nd grade. This is her on her last day of 4th grade/ last day attending St. John's

Miles on his last day of preschool. He saw this bear at Walgreens and insisted since he's a "Graduate" that he should get that bear. 

The end of this year was HEAVY though. I had been praying for and hoping for major changes so our family could feel more stable and more like a family.

A little background to that comment. Al is a self employed electrician. He works whenever the calls come in, which most of the time is around the clock. Take last night for example, he was up at 1:15 in the morning, to go work at a bar (have to work around the bar hours you know!), then went on to complete a full day of work and walked in around 6 PM. Other times, he will work a full day, come home for a few and then pop out again for an emergency call. Those are just a few examples. Bottom line, he's never home during "family business hours" and most certainly isn't home for dinner, however, when he is, he's usually not hungry because he's in the habit of having a late lunch because he doesn't like to eat when he's running around busy. So, family dinners go out the window. This house is our first home and we had no idea what we would want in a house. What I miss, is an eat in kitchen. Our home is all "boxed rooms" meaning, no open concept, or seeing into another room from one room, so the idea of eating at a TABLE with ample seating for everyone feels like a dream! I hear all of the time how family dinners are so very important and I fully agree, however, that is a non existent thing in our house based on Al's schedule and our eating accommodations. This needs to change. I dream of it changing and I am not sure Al's schedule is going to change anytime soon, but as a mother, I have the desire to atleast sit with my kids while we eat. Well, when are *are* home in time for a meal that is homemade, here's how it goes, the kids get their food first, they retreat to a place to sit (usually in the family room with the TV on) *MOTHER OF THE YEAR RIGHT HERE!!* and then I get my plate together and sit down on one of the 2 bar stools in my kitchen, I have the TV and the computer in front of me. I take a few bites, then one of the kids comes in for their second helping (or their dessert depending on how much they disliked the dinner, which is a common occurrence). I sit down again to take a bite or two and then the second child comes in. We get into a "grind" sort of attitude during the school year. My 2 hours a day driving schedule for Acilia's school was going to be done, because Acilia was going to be starting at a new school, closer to home (part of my master plan to simplify our life). However, I did something, at God's urging of course, I signed Miles up to attend school where Acilia was going. It feels 100% right, but at the same time, he will be attending half day Kindergarten next year, and that means I will be spending my mornings close to the school (20-25 mins from our house) so I don't have to drive home and turn around to pick him up. Craziness! I am wired for craziness though. As much as I crave "stable, quiet, stay at home mom" I go stir crazy if we stay home too long. I mean if I am home for a whole day without getting out of the house, I am pacing like a caged animal! ! So, finding a balance of out of the house and home to enjoy being domesticated, is a FINE line. One I have yet to find. In the meantime, the school year has ended. I wasn't ready for this. My kids are both meeting major milestones next year and I was holding onto the school year for dear life, which is not like me! I wait for summer all year long! Miles attended the same school for 3 years. He "graduated" and will start Kindergarten at a new school next year. (Cue the teary mom!) and then Acilia finished at her school and will be starting MIDDLE SCHOOL next year. She has been in private school her whole "career" and will be going public next year, which means school buses and "scary, mean" kids. Ha ha! Not really, but my mind is having a field day with this, and I know it's paranoia at it's finest, but there is a small (big) part of me that wants to take my kids and run for the hills and hide out somewhere and home school! Wow! This post is all over the place! See what happens when I don't blog my thoughts for a while? A big jumbled up mess of thoughts!

On top of all of that, our home is officially for sale! I've waited 5 years for this and it's here! We've had one showing in two weeks on the market and I know God will be gracious to us and His timing is perfect.So the lack of "traffic" in the home hasn't been too unsettling. As crazy and jumbled up it seems on paper, it all actually makes perfect sense and the timing is perfect too! I feel at peace with our choices and I know God is leading us through this.

We have started fun summer activities! We started the summer by going to a local arboretum that we love!! I actually signed up for a membership while we were there, so we can enjoy going a lot more. 

On top of the predicted numerous arboretum visits, Acilia will be leaving us for 5 days! She leaves on Father's Day and comes home the day after her 10th birthday. This will be her first big trip away from home and she is going to a Christian Horse Camp. We *know* she will be in good hands, but my mom heart is having trouble with this one! She will be away from us as she celebrates the milestone of turning double digits. Plus she has dealt with separation anxiety for a few years and this is a HUGE step! I am so proud of her, she has really blossomed over the last year, so I trust that she will enjoy her time away!! I pray the time passes quickly :) 

On top of all of that news, Acilia has started horse lessons at a new barn. The class is more advanced, they focus on cantering and jumping. She LOVES it, it's a great challenge for her and overall, we've been very happy with this new change. However, it's just that. Another change. We loved the barn she took her lessons at and then like a snap of a finger, we found this new barn and made the change, because we knew this opening was a blessing and we had to follow it!

Acilia's life long passion is horses!!

Life is crazy, but it's good!

A Poem

To women who yearn to be a mother-

I have special thoughts for you today.

On Mothers day, you may feel alone-

just know it isn't that way.

We never know our future-

but there is someone who does;

He is our Father in Heaven-

who holds you in high regard.

There may be no explanation-

why you haven't a bundle to love

I will tell you this dear lady-

those moments that feel hopeless

are sure to make sense one day.

You will see a blessing from above-

it may not be what you expected;

but it will come and you will know

You see, Mother's day is about mothers

and that is something you wish to be!

Something that you heart impassions

the day could come, you pray it does

God is listening.

In the meantime, just know

you are a mother in my eyes!

                                         -Karrie Viscogliosi

National Day of Prayer

Lord be with my family and friends today. Fill their hearts with peace, love and strength to conquer the day ahead. Let them feel you close to their hearts. Lord, keep our children safe today and work in the heart of evil that is present around us. We pray that good always outshines the bad and that you unarm anyone and anything that works to tear this beautiful country apart. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen!

Home tour

As part of our "get the home ready" for the big for sale sign in the yard (May 13th is the day!!) I took some pictures of the house for our listing. Some of these pictures you may have seen before, I have done "photo tour" link ups in the past. Most of the pictures were taken by me, the ones that look like a "fish eye" were from my very talented friend Amy Aiello Photograpy, she did a photo tour of my home a few years back when we wanted to sell, but since I have changed some things, I wanted to update most of the pictures!

Back entry way, this is how we enter the home 100% of the time.

Kitchen, was completely gutted and remodeled when we bought the house

Downstairs bath. I believe it once served as a pantry. When we bought the house, there was a full size tub and shower in it, but I wanted it gone, so the room appeared bigger.

Dining room (staged as you may remember from recent posts!)

I can not wait to get a new comforter set! This one is U G L Y !

Acilia's room

Miles' room

"Bonus room" which was listed as a 4th bedroom when we bought the house.

Upstairs bath

Hubby put a stackable washer/dryer in my upstairs bath, I will admit, I won't like if  our next house doesn't have this option!

Staging

As you know, I've been wanting to sell our house for atleast 5 years, I've spent most of that time preparing it for sale, so now, that the time is here, there isn't all that much to do. (THANK THE GOOD LORD!!) I had decided that we would not be bringing our dining room set when we move, so when that SOLD my husband suggested we should probably put *something* in the room, so it's not completely empty. As much as I was enjoying the empty room, I knew he was right. So I set out to find something to put in the room, I was looking for accent furniture of some sort, I struggled a bit because I didn't want to buy anything that would match this house, because I am not sure how we will be decorating the next house and I didn't want to buy furniture that we wouldn't use for more than a few months. I have a favorite consignment boutique that sells housewares, so I thought it would be a good idea to look in there. Lo and behold, I found something! A little table with two chairs set. It doesn't match the house, yet it doesn't NOT match either and I've made it work I believe! :)

Now that our dining room isn't bare, I decided to move into the family room. That room was mostly decorated, but it needed a little toy clean up (we stashed toys behind the couch and that had to go!) The toys are cleared and I moved the couch away from the wall. There is a new wall hanging behind the couch and now I thought it would be nice to put a floor lamp between the wall and the couch. Ambiance right?

What's great is that the items I have purchased to "stage" the house, can easily be used in the future, because it's all neutral enough! And, better yet, it didn't break the bank! The Table and Chairs set was only $164. The shop marked it down while I was there!! (SCORE!) and the lamp was only $80 from Homegoods, where most other floor lamps I saw there were $200! (SCORE!!)

Stay tuned for the day we put the sign up in the yard!! I can't wait!!

Ups and downs

Life has many ups and downs. One day, one hour, one minute could be filled with joy, then like a light switch, it can change for the worse.

Easter was wonderful this year, not for any special reason, just because it was nice to see family and see the joy on my kids' faces and church, it always delivers wonderment for me!

And then comes the "down". I remember I am still me, completely and utterly imperfect. Most days I am cool with the fact that I am not perfect, because I am not a perfectionist, however there are things about myself that no matter how hard I try to change them, I fall short and end up feeling as though I am "pretending" and that is the exact opposite of the "authentic person" I want to be.  There is this thing that gets in the way, it's called emotions. Yes, I feel and notice a lot of good around me, but I tend to get caught up in the fact that life is not all good and not everyone is in the same place in their journey as I am, and I on good days, I am understanding of that fact. On bad days, I can't comprehend it and I start to think that it's *my* problem and I then fall into a spiral of thought and emotion. This morning is an emotional day, no one would know it looking at me, I still have that optimistic smile, however inside I am questioning myself and what I can do differently to navigate through this crazy thing called "life". Ultimately I want to be the best I can be, and I have so many aspirations and at times I get so overwhelmed by what I *want* to do, that I turn into a lazy bug that is paralyzed into doing nothing more than sitting at my computer. The good news is, I am not in denial about it :) I *know* these things and I *know* I want to change, and I think we can all agree, that's the first step right?